MARCH 23, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: American Expert Named. Impact: The appointment of the American Affairs Dept chief in the USSR sets off a bizarre chain of diplomatic meetings, where both sides eventually find common ground in their love for vodka and bad spy movies. Fact: During the Cold War, the only thing colder than the relations between the US and USSR was the vodka they served at their diplomatic gatherings.
• Headline: RED CROSS OFFICES IN BROOKLYN MOVE; Blood Donors on Hand as Borough Chapter Occupies New Civic Center Building. Impact: The Red Cross moving to a new location leads to a series of unfortunate events where local blood donors become local celebrities, complete with fan clubs and merchandise. Fact: The Red Cross was founded during a war, but nowadays, it’s just as much about making sure you can donate blood without bumping into your ex.
• Headline: BINGO BILL VOTED BY STATE SENATE; BINGO BILL VOTED BY STATE SENATE Constitutional Amendment Is Backed, 48-8--2 Bills to Aid Bus Lines Gain. Impact: The passing of the Bingo Bill leads to an unexpected rise in bingo nights across the country, where grandmas suddenly become the most feared competitors in their local communities. Fact: Bingo is the only game where yelling 'Bingo!' is socially acceptable, and yet no one questions why you’re shouting in public.