MARCH 18, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hoffman Linked to $239,528 Windfall. Impact: This scandal likely inspired a generation of aspiring politicians to think, 'Hey, if I’m going down, I might as well take a few people with me!' The ripple effect led directly to the rise of 'get rich quick' schemes.. Fact: Here’s a fun fact: If you adjust for inflation, those windfall profits would still be enough to buy a small island... or an overpriced coffee in today's market..
• Headline: Testing Air-to-Air Missiles in Canada. Impact: The testing of air-to-air missiles might just have been the moment when defense agencies realized that playing with toys could lead to very serious consequences, like the creation of the military-industrial complex. Game on!. Fact: Did you know that air-to-air missiles were originally designed for friendly air hugs? Just kidding, they were always designed to be explosive!.
• Headline: LITTER SUMMONSES OFF; Only 518 Are Issued on Third Day of Campaign. Impact: The small number of litter summonses likely led to a nationwide trend of pretending that littering isn’t really a problem, which eventually contributed to the world’s ongoing struggle with waste management. Thanks, guys!. Fact: Did you know that if you stack all 518 summonses, you could create a very unstable tower of paper that would definitely violate safety regulations? Who knew litter could be so educational?.
• Headline: PRICE BIAS CHARGED; F. T. C. Examiner Would Curb General Foods Practices. Impact: This event probably caused many CEOs to stress-eat their profits, wondering if their next meeting would involve a courtroom instead of a buffet. Talk about a plot twist in the corporate diet!. Fact: Did you know that 'price bias' is not a flavor of ice cream? Because honestly, it sounds like it could be!.
• Headline: Newmont Mining Net Rises. Impact: This financial uptick likely encouraged investors to believe they could strike gold in any venture, leading to the dot-com bubble and, let's face it, a whole lot of regret.. Fact: Did you know that mining is the only profession where you can literally dig yourself into a hole? Not that we’re judging, just stating facts!.
• Headline: HARLAN COMMISSIONED; New Yorker May Now Take Place on High Court. Impact: Harlan's commissioning probably led to a series of legal debates about who really deserves a spot on the high court, which eventually turned into a reality TV show. You know you’d watch that!. Fact: Did you know that being on the Supreme Court is kind of like being on a permanent jury duty? Except you get a fancy robe and no one ever lets you leave!.
• Headline: Hockey Fans Riot in Montreal; League Head Attacked at Game; CANADIENS' GAME FORFEITED BY RIOT. Impact: This riot may have inspired future generations of hockey fans to channel their rage into something more productive, like becoming social media trolls instead. Progress!. Fact: Did you know that in Canada, sports riots are basically a rite of passage? It's like their version of a graduation ceremony, just with more ice and fewer caps and gowns..
• Headline: KOREAN PAPER HALTED; Government Stops Opposition for Slur on Rhee. Impact: Censoring this paper likely led to a significant increase in underground journalism, proving that where there’s a will (and a will to dissent), there’s a way. It’s like a game of hide and seek with the truth.. Fact: Did you know that censorship often leads to more creative ways of expressing dissent? Just ask any teenager trying to avoid parental controls!.
• Headline: TURKS BID FRENCH JOIN IRAQI TREATY; Ankara Seeks to Get Paris to Take Role in Middle East Defense Alliance. Impact: This diplomatic maneuver might have set the stage for a never-ending game of 'who can align with whom?' in international politics, which has, shockingly, not changed in decades.. Fact: Did you know that treaties are kind of like friendships? They often start with great intentions but can get awkward really quickly!.