JANUARY 4, 1955

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hogan Inducted as Justice in 1955. Impact: Had Hogan not been inducted, we might have seen a completely different legal landscape. Perhaps 'Judge Dread' would have been a popular role model instead.. Fact: Justice Hogan's induction led to a 5% increase in the number of people who mispronounced 'jurisprudence' at parties..
• Headline: Javits Advocates for Youth Delinquency Solutions. Impact: If Javits had focused instead on adult delinquency, we might have had a generation of adults discussing their 'youthful indiscretions' at therapy instead of on social media.. Fact: Javits preferred to be called 'The General,' but alas, that nickname was already taken by a fast food chain's mascot..
• Headline: Westinghouse's Major Player Departures. Impact: The dropping of these five employees probably led to an increase in job openings, making it statistically easier for future hires to get a job without needing to be a Westinghouse employee.. Fact: This event led to a secret society of former Westinghouse employees who met to discuss the merits of microwave ovens over the toaster. Spoiler: the microwave won..
• Headline: MRS. WERNER STRUM I I. Impact: If Mrs. Strum had never existed, the world might have been deprived of a future generation of Strums who could have possibly changed the course of history with their excellent baking skills.. Fact: Mrs. Strum’s full identity remains a mystery, but some speculate she could have been the original inspiration for a popular flavor of jam..
• Headline: EAST-WEST BRIDGE URGED BY PONTIFF; Delayed Yule Message Pleads for Abatement of 'Cold War' -- Both Sides Criticized EAST-WEST BRIDGE URGED BY PONTIFF. Impact: Had the Pope's message reached its audience sooner, Cold War tensions could have been replaced with Cold War karaoke nights—just imagine the duets!. Fact: The Pope's Christmas message was delayed because he couldn't find a suitable font for his holiday cards. True story..
• Headline: Hospital Gets $200,000. Impact: This generous donation might have inadvertently led to the development of a 'rich person's health club,' where only the wealthy could get treated... or at least get a smoothie.. Fact: The Rockefellers once considered donating a giant statue of themselves to the hospital, but decided it would be too much of a distraction for the patients..
• Headline: ENLISTMENT RUSH FOR G.I. RIGHTS DUE; Defense Officials Stress Jan. 31 Ending of Benefits as Korea War Veterans. Impact: This rush to enlist could have potentially caused a butterfly effect resulting in a G.I. Bill that offered lifetime subscriptions to Netflix instead of education.. Fact: The last-minute enlistment frenzy led to the creation of a new holiday: 'G.I. Rights Day,' celebrated by binge-watching war movies and eating cold rations..
• Headline: ANDREW J. M'GOWAN, RICHMOND PHYSICIAN. Impact: If McGowan had not practiced medicine, who knows how many of his patients would have been left to discuss their ailments with houseplants instead?. Fact: Andrew J. McGowan was known for his cures, though some patients swore he was just really good at telling them to 'take two aspirins and call me in the morning.'.
• Headline: JAMES RICHARDSi6[ FINANCIER, WAS; Chairman of Boston' Gas Co.I Is Dead--A. Impact: Richards' passing might have led to a gas price increase that ultimately resulted in the invention of the 'walking commute,' a trend that never caught on.. Fact: James Richards left behind an extensive collection of gas-related puns, which his family has vowed to keep buried for all eternity..