SEPTEMBER 19, 1954

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sweden's Councilor Election of 1954. Impact: If the Social Democrats' 'Santa Claus' policy hadn't won the election, we might have ended up with a parliament composed entirely of grumpy old men in suits, completely ruining the Christmas spirit. Can you imagine? No Christmas cheer, just endless debates about taxes and the weather!. Fact: Did you know that Santa Claus was originally a 4th-century bishop? At this rate, he might just run for office next!.
• Headline: AT&T Unveils Innovative Telephone Technology. Impact: The new devices showcased by AT&T might have sparked a technological revolution that led to the invention of texting—where 'LOL' would eventually become a genuine form of emotional expression instead of just a filler.. Fact: Fun fact: The first telephone call was made by Alexander Graham Bell in 1876. Too bad he couldn't call us to tell us how to avoid spam calls!.
• Headline: Launch of College Scholarship Service. Impact: This scholarship service could have been the first domino in the creation of a future where students don't drown in student debt, leading to a world where millennials can finally afford to buy houses instead of just avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that Dr. Fels probably had more pressure than a college student during finals week? He was likely trying to make this scholarship service as appealing as a free pizza party!.
• Headline: CANADA TO START SEAWAY PROJECT; First Big Excavation Work Will Begin at Montreal Harbor This Year. Impact: Had Canada not initiated the Seaway project, the entire trade dynamics of North America might have shifted. Imagine a world where the Great Lakes were just great lakes, not the bustling trade routes we know today. Who needs efficient transport when you can paddle your canoe?. Fact: Did you know that the Seaway was so important it could have been a contestant on a dating show? 'Looking for someone to help me connect the Great Lakes!'.
• Headline: POLYTECHNIC MAPS CENTENNIAL PLANS; Big Brooklyn Institute Starts Celebration Next Month -- Slates Work on Center. Impact: The celebration of the Polytechnic Institute's centennial plans could have set off a chain reaction of educational institutions throwing massive birthday bashes, leading to a global shortage of party hats and cake!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing older than the Brooklyn Institute of Polytechnic might be the jokes they tell at their parties?.
• Headline: Shipping News and Notes; Customs Official to Receive Service Medal -- Commerce Club Head Praises Port. Impact: The praise for port efficiency might have inadvertently led to a nationwide obsession with efficiency, where even our morning coffee would have to be served in under 30 seconds. Thank you, shipping news!. Fact: Did you know that port efficiency is a lot like a good relationship? It takes a lot of work to keep things running smoothly, and one wrong move can cause a major shipping disaster!.
• Headline: UNIVERSITY GETS MARK TWAIN ITEMS; Collection of the Humorist's Material Is Turned Over to the U. of California. Impact: The acquisition of Mark Twain's items could have sparked a literary revival, leading to future generations praising sarcasm as an art form and establishing 'Sarcastic Literature Day' as a national holiday.. Fact: Did you know that Mark Twain once said, 'The secret of getting ahead is getting started?' He clearly didn't have the patience for procrastination, unlike most of today's students!.
• Headline: NEWS AND NOTES ALONG CAMERA ROW. Impact: The buzz around Kodak's new films might have inspired an entire generation of aspiring filmmakers, resulting in a cinematic revolution and more indie films than you can shake a stick at—most of which would be about hipsters in coffee shops.. Fact: Did you know that 'high-speed film' is not a reference to how fast you have to run to get to the store before closing? Because that would be a whole different kind of panic!.
• Headline: UNION DEMOCRACY. Impact: The push for union democracy could have galvanized workers worldwide, igniting a movement that led to 'Take Your Union Meeting to Work Day.' Just imagine the chaos of that workplace!. Fact: Did you know that the concept of union democracy is so important that it could be the secret ingredient in a recipe for workplace happiness? But let's be real, we know cake is still the real winner..