OCTOBER 2, 1953

Full News Archive

• Headline: Legacy of Arthur N. Baker Sr.. Impact: If Arthur N. Baker Sr. had just taken a different route to work that day, the invention of the toaster might have been delayed by at least a decade. Toast enthusiasts everywhere thank him for his punctuality.. Fact: Arthur N. Baker Sr. was not just any guy; he’s the reason you can enjoy your morning toast without the hassle of a campfire..
• Headline: Doctors Optimistic on Disease Control Progress. Impact: If doctors had not been optimistic about conquering diseases, we might still be haggling over the common cold like it’s a used car. Thank goodness for optimism; it might just be the best medicine!. Fact: When Dr. McCormick said they’d conquer 3 major ills in 10 years, he probably meant they’d just learn to live with them instead..
• Headline: Separating Guests Causes Minor White House Crisis. Impact: This minor White House crisis led to the development of the ‘Guest Separation Act’ – a policy ensuring no guest ever gets too close to anyone else in the White House. It’s basically a precursor to social distancing.. Fact: Who knew that the White House had crises so minor they could be resolved with a stern talking-to?.
• Headline: F. O. A. Appoints Consultant. Impact: The appointment of J B Quinn as a consultant might have led to the world’s first consulting firm specializing in 'How to Survive Bureaucracy 101.'. Fact: Consultants have been around forever, basically giving advice no one asked for. They're like the unsolicited feedback of the corporate world..
• Headline: SUITS ARE FEATURED IN STYLE COLLECTION. Impact: The unveiling of these stylish suits likely sparked the great 'Suit Wars' of the 1980s, where business professionals battled it out in the boardroom with neckties as their weapons.. Fact: Fashion shows for suits should really come with a warning: 'Excessive style may cause spontaneous board meetings.'.
• Headline: CREDIT CONCERNS LEAD BORROWERS; Become Major Factor in Rise in Bank Loans to Business -- Led Dip Week Before. Impact: The rise in bank loans could have been the trigger for the 2008 financial crisis, proving that when people start borrowing, the universe starts holding its breath.. Fact: Bank loans are the adult version of candy – sweet, tempting, but definitely not good for you in large quantities..
• Headline: P. E. CROWLEY, LED NEW YORK CENTRAL; President 1924-31 Die at 89; --Had 42-Year' Railroading Career in Rise From Ranks.. Impact: P. E. Crowley’s passing marked the end of an era, leading to the curious trend of railroads becoming the ultimate metaphor for life’s journey – just without the fun train whistles.. Fact: Crowley’s 42-year career in railroading is a clear reminder that sometimes it takes longer to get where you’re going than it does to realize you should have taken a cab..
• Headline: BIG OFFICE CENTER SOUGHT IN ARMONK; Plans Filed to Use Agnew Farm for 20 Structures if Zone Is Changed -- Move Opposed. Impact: The opposition to the office center in Armonk might have kickstarted the trend of suburban sprawl – turning peaceful farms into bustling business hubs. Thanks a lot, Ceno Corp!. Fact: Local protests against new developments are basically the adult version of ‘Not in my backyard!’ – proving that no one wants their quiet neighborhood turned into a corporate jungle..
• Headline: North Korean Shot Down; INDIANS KILL TRIO OF RIOTING P.O.W.'S. Impact: The violence with anti-Communist POWs could have led to the creation of the most intense game of 'Capture the Flag' that the world never knew about. Let’s just say, it got out of hand.. Fact: When things get tense, sometimes you just need to remember that games should probably stay on the playground, not in real life..