AUGUST 20, 1953

Full News Archive

• Headline: 15C Fare Experiences Minor Passenger Decline. Impact: The small drop in passenger rides leads to the invention of teleportation by a disgruntled engineer trying to avoid the stormy weather. Who knew a weather-related tantrum could change the course of travel forever?. Fact: This is why you should always check the weather before planning your escape — I mean, trip.
• Headline: India, Pakistan Agree On Vote in Kashmir; INDIA AND PAKISTAN FOR KASHMIR VOTE. Impact: India and Pakistan's agreement on a plebiscite creates a ripple effect through history, leading to an annual 'Kashmir Voting Day' where both countries compete to see who can host the worst karaoke night. Fact: Spoiler alert: It’s always a tie, and the real winners are the people who stay home.
• Headline: $100,000 Gift Honors Taft. Impact: The establishment of a cancer research lab in Taft's name leads to a series of breakthrough treatments, which somehow results in a reality show where doctors compete to find cures — 'The Cure-ators.'. Fact: Spoiler: The real cure was a good edit and a lot of dramatic music.
• Headline: Reservist to Command The Atomic Submarine. Impact: The decision to appoint a reservist as commander of an atomic submarine results in a series of 'misunderstandings' that inspire a Hollywood blockbuster about a misfit crew who accidentally save the world. Fact: They never actually used the submarine, but the popcorn sales were through the roof.
• Headline: PRESIDENT DEFENDS HOUSING FUND CUTS; DAY HERE CROWDED; He Replies to Moses Criticism in His Speech at Dedication of Huge Baruch Project CITY CAMPAIGN DISCUSSED Riegelman Among Many Who Take Part in Conferences -- Motorcade Ride Cheered PRESIDENT DEFENDS HOUSING FUND CUTS. Impact: The president's defense of housing fund cuts leads to a nationwide trend of DIY housing, resulting in a boom in home improvement shows. Next thing you know, everyone thinks they can build a house with just a YouTube tutorial. Fact: Turns out, watching a video doesn't actually equip you with the ability to wield a hammer — who knew?.
• Headline: ENEMY RED CROSS ACCUSED IN KOREA; U. N. Complains to Communists of Agents' Activities Among P. O. W.'s in Allied Camps ENEMY RED CROSS ASSAILED IN KOREA. Impact: The UN's accusation against the Red Cross leads to a game of international blame that lasts decades, ultimately resulting in the creation of a global 'Blame Game Olympics' that nobody wants to win. Fact: The events are always highly contested, and volunteers are always left confused about who to cheer for.
• Headline: KOREA FLIER HONORED; Posthumous Medal and Cluster Presented to Widow Here. Impact: The posthumous medal awarded to Lt. Downes inspires a series of heartfelt tributes that eventually lead to an annual 'Honoring Our Heroes' day that somehow devolves into a barbecue cook-off. Fact: Because nothing says 'honor' quite like burnt burgers and questionable potato salad.