JUNE 12, 1953

Full News Archive

• Headline: Increase in Rayon and Acetate Shipments. Impact: This minor uptick in rayon and acetate shipments ultimately led to a fashion revolution where everyone, at some point, thought wearing polyester was a good idea. Thank you, 5% increase, for the questionable wardrobe choices of the 1970s. Fact: Rayon was originally called 'artificial silk'—a classic case of setting expectations too high!.
• Headline: McCarthy's British Democracy Invitation. Impact: McCarthy's trip to Britain is a pivotal moment that results in him realizing that not everyone prefers their tea with a side of paranoia—he returns to America more confused than ever about democracy. Fact: McCarthy might have actually enjoyed Britain—if only he could have taken his own shadow with him to keep the company he was used to.
• Headline: Wilson Says U.S. and Allies Could Defeat Soviet in War; Wilson Testifies U. S. and Allies Could Win a War Against Soviet. Impact: Wilson's assertions about defeating the Soviet Union lead to a decade-long arms race, which ultimately results in the popularization of Cold War spy novels, making James Bond a household name. Thanks, Wilson!. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, the Cold War was just an extended episode of 'Who's More Paranoid?' Spoiler: It was everyone.
• Headline: LANGER IS NAMED IN CAUDLE TAX CASE; Senator Aided in Settlement of $118,000 Fraud Claim for $35,000, Inquiry Hears. Impact: The Caudle tax case scandal led to a series of legislative reforms, but not before establishing a tradition of shady backroom deals that continues to plague politics. Who knew tax fraud could be so inspiring?. Fact: Langer’s idea of ‘helping those not fairly treated’ seems to have been interpreted as ‘helping those with the best lawyers.’.
• Headline: SOUTH KOREA HELD ONLY BAR TO TRUCE; Quick Agreement on Details Expected in Staff Meetings -- India Answers Bid. Impact: South Korea's stubbornness in the truce talks sets the stage for decades of tension, resulting in an entire generation of children growing up playing video games featuring the Korean War. Thanks for the entertainment, political gridlock!. Fact: The only thing more complicated than Korean diplomacy is trying to explain it to a five-year-old.
• Headline: Tammany Polls 41,000 Enrolled Democrats To See if They Want Impellitteri for Mayor. Impact: Polling 41,000 Democrats about their mayoral preferences leads to the realization that most political polls are just a fancy way of saying, 'We're guessing what you want.' Spoiler: They usually guess wrong. Fact: Polling can sometimes feel like asking a toddler what they want for dinner: you'll get a lot of noise and no actual answers.
• Headline: SIDELIGHTS ON THE FINANCIAL AND BUSINESS DEVELOPMENTS OF THE DAY. Impact: Sidelights on financial developments often foreshadow the rise of the financial industry as we know it today, where everyone is an expert and no one can explain a stock market crash. Thanks for the clarity, financial sidelight!. Fact: The only thing more unpredictable than the stock market is the advice given by people who claim they 'know the ropes.'.
• Headline: MOBILIZING AGENCY MADE PERMANENT; Office Will Draft Plans for All-Out Defense Effort in Case of War Emergency. Impact: The establishment of a permanent mobilizing agency leads to an overzealous preparation for war, which eventually results in more disaster preparedness drills than anyone knows what to do with. Who doesn’t love a good fire drill?. Fact: An all-out defense effort sounds great until you realize it’s mostly just a lot of paperwork and the occasional awkward 'duck and cover' demonstration.
• Headline: Span Funds Delivered. Impact: The delivery of funds for the Philadelphia-Gloucester span ultimately leads to an impressive feat of engineering, which someone will undoubtedly forget to maintain. Welcome to the age of infrastructure neglect!. Fact: They say bridges are like relationships: if you neglect them long enough, they’ll fall apart and you’ll wonder where it all went wrong.