FEBRUARY 14, 1953

Full News Archive

• Headline: Texas Senator Recognized by Congress Colleagues. Impact: The Texas Senator's honor set off a chain reaction of Texan pride, culminating in an annual barbecue festival where politicians tried to one-up each other with their grilling skills. Spoiler: nobody actually knew how to grill.. Fact: Fun fact: This senator's honor was so important that it was immediately followed by a 10-minute debate on whether barbecue sauce counts as a condiment..
• Headline: Legacy of Harry W. Pugh. Impact: Harry W. Pugh's name faded into the annals of history, only to be resurrected by a hipster band in the 2000s who thought they were being ironic. They were not.. Fact: Did you know? Harry W. Pugh's career was so uneventful that historians still can’t agree on whether he even existed or was just a figment of someone’s imagination..
• Headline: Philadelphia Subway Opens After Long Delay. Impact: The opening of the Philadelphia subway led to an unexpected influx of tourists, forever altering the city's landscape as people flocked to see the famous 'hole in the ground'. It also inspired a series of underground art exhibits that were shockingly successful.. Fact: Did you know? The original name for the subway was 'The Great Underground Adventure' before they realized nobody would want to ride something that sounded like a children's theme park..
• Headline: THOMAS F. DEMPSEY. Impact: Thomas F. Dempsey's name was lost in time, but it is rumored that he inadvertently inspired a cheese brand decades later that boasted 'the most Dempsey-like taste you can find'.. Fact: Did you know? The only thing more forgettable than Thomas F. Dempsey's contributions to history is the cheese that shares his name..
• Headline: GOVERNMENT EASES CURB ON ALUMINUM, STEEL AND COPPER; Producers May Supply Civilian Needs on Free Market Basis After Arms Demand Is Met AUTO OUTPUT QUOTA ENDS Restrictions on Natural Gas for New Users Rescinded, Effective March 1 GOVERNMENT EASES METAL USE CURBS. Impact: The easing of metal use curbs caused a brief panic among conspiracy theorists who thought the government was stockpiling aluminum to build a fleet of UFOs. Spoiler: they were not.. Fact: Fun fact: The first civilian to buy aluminum after the restrictions were lifted immediately used it to construct a questionable backyard sculpture that nobody wanted to acknowledge..
• Headline: CHESLEN D. MOSSMAN. Impact: Cheslen D. Mossman became a footnote in history, but his name lives on in a bizarre trivia question that stumps even the most seasoned pub quiz participants.. Fact: Did you know? Cheslen D. Mossman’s name was deemed too complex for Scrabble and it was subsequently banned from word games everywhere..
• Headline: LAST YACHT NEARS RAGE DESTINATION; Galway Blazer Reported 19 Miles From Nassau After Air-Sea Search Starts. Impact: The yacht nearing its destination inadvertently inspired a wave of 'yacht spotting' among bored vacationers, leading to the creation of the first ever reality show about people tracking boats.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more riveting than watching a yacht approach Nassau is watching paint dry—at least the paint has a chance of being interesting..
• Headline: GENERALS ACCUSED AT EX-CENSOR'S TRIAL. Impact: The generals being accused at the trial became a cautionary tale for future leaders, leading to the creation of a new military regulation: 'Don’t get caught.'. Fact: Did you know? The trial was so dramatic that it made for an excellent plot twist in a B-movie that nobody remembers..
• Headline: JOHN SABOL. Impact: John Sabol's name is now synonymous with 'who?', as he became the benchmark for historical obscurity. In a parallel universe, he's a famed rock star.. Fact: Did you know? John Sabol’s life is the reason historians now have a dedicated department for studying 'people you’ve never heard of but probably shouldn’t have forgotten.'.