JANUARY 14, 1953

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Legacy of Stanley Mayer. Impact: If only Stanley Mayer had succeeded in his water fuel cell, we might have been driving around in cars powered by H2O instead of fossil fuels. But then again, imagine the chaos of everyone suddenly realizing they could hydrate their car instead of themselves.. Fact: Mayer claimed his invention could run a car on water, which probably sounded like a great idea until someone realized water is a bit harder to find in the desert than gasoline..
• Headline: Linden Workers Plan Strike Over Speed Up. Impact: The strike at G.M. Linden could have sparked a nationwide trend of workers demanding better treatment, leading to a revolution in labor rights or possibly just a national shortage of donuts in break rooms.. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, UAW's 1,399-143 vote might seem decisive, but let’s be honest: that 143 probably just wanted to finish their shifts without any drama..
• Headline: Dr. Andrew R. Mazzolini's Notable Contributions. Impact: Dr. Mazzolini’s contributions might have altered the course of medical science, or at least made some very boring lectures slightly less so. Imagine a world where medical students actually stay awake.. Fact: Dr. Mazzolini could very well be the reason you trust your doctor, or at least the reason you bring a book to the waiting room..
• Headline: JURY ACTION HINTS ESPIONAGE INQUIRY; Capital Panel Returns Sealed Indictment -- Security of the U. S. Is Held Involved. Impact: This sealed indictment could very well have led to the birth of conspiracy theories that would keep internet forums buzzing for decades, as people try to piece together the 'real' story behind the grand jury's secrets.. Fact: If you think your secrets are safe, just remember this: grand juries have been keeping secrets since forever, and they still can’t keep a lid on those juicy conspiracy theories..
• Headline: Undertaker Dies at Funeral. Impact: The irony of an undertaker dying at a funeral might just have led to a wave of existential dread among those in the profession, potentially causing a shortage of available morticians and an uptick in 'life-affirming' parties.. Fact: You’d think an undertaker would have a plan for when the grim reaper comes knocking, but apparently, life has a way of throwing curveballs—even at funerals..
• Headline: HORACE p. GORMAN. Impact: Horace P. Gorman’s life might have inspired future generations to pursue the arts, or at least given a few aspiring artists the confidence to paint outside the lines—literally.. Fact: If you’re not familiar with Gorman, don’t worry; he’s probably just like every other artist you’ve never heard of—struggling to make a mark while hoping someone eventually cares..
• Headline: Search Party at C-46 Wreck. Impact: The discovery of the C-46 wreck could have reignited debates about air travel safety, leading to a series of overzealous safety regulations or, at the very least, a popular new TV show about search and rescue.. Fact: The search for the C-46 wreck might just be the reason why your next flight has more safety protocols than a NASA launch—thank you, past tragedies!.
• Headline: Draper to Retain Post. Impact: Draper's retention might have kept the status quo intact, leading to a decade of boring meetings and the continued existence of the phrase 'let's circle back on that.'. Fact: In the corporate world, retaining a post often means just finding new ways to avoid doing actual work while pretending to be productive..
• Headline: Eden Fetes Gifford at Dinner. Impact: Throwing a dinner for Gifford could have been a pivotal moment, possibly leading to a series of extravagant dinner parties that ultimately caused a nationwide increase in waistlines.. Fact: Hosting lavish dinners for ambassadors: because nothing says diplomacy like a three-course meal followed by awkward small talk about trade agreements..
• Headline: DOUGLAS CHANDOR, 55, PAINTER OF NOTABLES. Impact: Chandor’s portraits of the notable might have played a role in shaping the public perception of key figures, or at least made them look better than they really were—thankfully, there’s no filter for history.. Fact: If you ever feel like you’re not making an impact, remember that Chandor spent years painting people who would eventually be forgotten. So hey, at least you’re not that forgotten!.