SEPTEMBER 22, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Space Voyage Delayed by a Decade. Impact: If this trip had occurred sooner, we might have skipped the entire 'moon landing conspiracy' phase and saved countless hours of internet debate. Imagine a world where we just went to the moon, waved, and came back without all the conspiracy theories. Boring, right?. Fact: NASA was just waiting for the right time to figure out how to pack enough Tang for a round trip!.
• Headline: Celler Advocates for Liquor Tax Reduction. Impact: A successful liquor tax cut could have led to the rise of a thriving bootlegging industry, which would inspire countless movies about charming rogues and speakeasies. Cheers to that!. Fact: Repr Celler probably thought that fewer agents meant more 'happy hour' for everyone. Who knew that was a thing?.
• Headline: Dr. Palen's Insight on Human Origins. Impact: Defining man's origin with God might have prevented a few existential crises in future generations, but let's face it, those crises are what make the world so entertaining.. Fact: Dr. Palen's lecture likely inspired a few philosophers to rethink their life choices... or at least come up with some catchy hashtags..
• Headline: Hartford Gets Mormon Chapel. Impact: The establishment of the first Mormon chapel in New England could have sparked an increase in interfaith dialogues or, more likely, a series of awkward potlucks.. Fact: Hartford probably had to hire extra staff just to manage the influx of baked goods!.
• Headline: DE GASPERI IN BONN TO SPEED COALITION; Adenauer to Press Ratifying of Six-Nation Army Pact -- Italian Wants Saar Settled DE GASPERI IN BONN TO SPEED COALITION. Impact: If De Gasperi had successfully sped up the coalition, we might have seen a world where Europe united over coffee breaks instead of political debates. Now that’s a place I’d want to time travel to!. Fact: Adenauer's coalition talks were probably fueled by endless cups of espresso and too many pastries..
• Headline: QUESTION FOR CHRISTIANS; Dr. Poteat Suggests, 'Do Men Gather Grapes From Thorns?'. Impact: Poteat's question could have led to an earth-shattering realization about the futility of human existence, but instead, it probably just inspired a few eye rolls.. Fact: I'm pretty sure Poteat was just trying to come up with a clever sermon opener. Grapes from thorns? Classic preacher move!.
• Headline: A. F. L. to Hear Stevenson Today; Action on Endorsing Him to Follow. Impact: If the A.F.L. had endorsed Stevenson, we might have seen a presidential campaign with more plumbers and steamfitters than politicians. Break out the tool belts!. Fact: Honest to God, I can only imagine the campaign slogans: 'Fixing America, one pipe at a time!'.
• Headline: 26,000 AT CITY COLLEGES; Day-Session Undergraduate Total Is Same as Year Ago. Impact: The stable enrollment figure at city colleges might have inspired future generations to think that education was just a trendy thing to do, like yoga or avocado toast.. Fact: 26,000 students enrolling must have made the cafeteria a wild scene—just imagine the lunch rush!.