AUGUST 11, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fluoridation Reduces Tooth Decay by 47%. Impact: If fluoridation hadn't cut tooth decay, we might all be sporting toothy grins reminiscent of medieval times, leading to a boom in dental cosplay and Renaissance fairs.. Fact: Fluoride: the only thing standing between your teeth and a lifetime of regrettable selfies..
• Headline: Mrs. Alvan Markle Jr. Announcement. Impact: The introduction of Mrs. Alvan Jr. might have inadvertently spurred the modern trend of hyphenated last names, leading to a world of confusion at family reunions.. Fact: When you marry someone with a name like Alvan Jr., it’s a daily reminder that you’re not the star of the show..
• Headline: Crisis in the Middle East: 1952. Impact: This crisis could have inspired a reality TV show called 'Middle East Meltdown,' which would have made history a lot more entertaining—or horrifying, depending on your perspective.. Fact: The Middle East has had more crises than a soap opera has plot twists—plot twist: it's still ongoing!.
• Headline: DEWEY AIDS NEGRO SHRINE; Endorses Memorial to Booker Washington and G. W. Carver. Impact: If Dewey hadn’t endorsed the memorials, we might have lost out on a whole genre of 'inspirational' coins that people pretend to collect for their historical value.. Fact: Memorial coins: because nothing says 'I care' like a piece of metal in a drawer..
• Headline: JOSEPH J. TAULANB. Impact: Joseph J. Taulane might have been an obscure figure, but his name could have inspired a blockbuster movie about identity crises, featuring a plot twist where he’s actually a secret agent.. Fact: Joseph J. Taulane: a name so unique, it could probably get its own Wikipedia page just for being a tongue twister..
• Headline: VISITORS SEE C. A. P. DRILL; Team Exhibits Skill Before 111 Aviation Students Here. Impact: The C.A.P. drill might have inspired the next generation of aviation students to pursue less practical careers, like becoming professional drone racers. Thanks, C.A.P.!. Fact: 111 aviation students witnessed a drill—imagine the excitement of watching someone else do the hard work!.
• Headline: Dartmouth Fund Sets Record. Impact: The Dartmouth Fund's record-setting might have inadvertently led to an arms race of alumni fundraising, resulting in some truly ridiculous college swag.. Fact: Dartmouth's alumni fund: proof that you can buy your way into nostalgia..
• Headline: DRAUGHT BEER DECLINE; Tax Data Show Rise in Bottled and Canned Beverage. Impact: The decline of draught beer could have led to the rise of an underground draught beer appreciation society, resulting in hipster bars that serve only the finest vintage kegs.. Fact: Draught beer vs. bottled: the age-old debate that no one cares about—until someone gets a can stuck in their hand..
• Headline: STOKES IS BACK HOME FROM ENGLISH PULPIT. Impact: Rev. A P Stokes Jr's return could have inadvertently sparked a new trend in 'pulpit tourism,' where people flock to hear sermons from abroad, leading to a holy pilgrimage of sorts.. Fact: You know you've been away too long when your own pulpit feels like a foreign land!.