JULY 29, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: James L. Fleming: A Notable Figure. Impact: James L. Fleming's mundane existence may have led to the invention of the office mug, ensuring that caffeinated historians like me could survive the long hours of sifting through unremarkable records. Fact: Did you know that James' middle name was 'L'? That's right, just 'L.' Revolutionary, isn't it?.
• Headline: Remembering Edward P. Duffy. Impact: Edward P. Duffy’s name could have inspired countless fictional characters, leading to an entire genre of 'mild-mannered insurance agents' saving the world one policy at a time. Fact: Fun fact: 'P' stands for 'Please don't ask me about my life choices.'.
• Headline: Judge Streit Censures Release of Mad Killers. Impact: The Peakes case might have set off a chain reaction in the legal system, leading to a trend of 'insanity' pleas. Soon, every bad decision in history could be excused with a simple 'I was just feeling a bit psychotic that day.'. Fact: Judge Streit’s censure could have inspired the phrase 'You can’t handle the truth!' in future courtroom dramas.
• Headline: JOHN A. BOWES. Impact: John A. Bowes, who lived to the ripe old age of 90, might have accidentally invented the concept of living forever by sheer stubbornness. Future generations would look back and say, 'If Bowes can do it, so can I!'. Fact: At 90, John likely had more stories than the average history textbook, but less excitement than a potato.
• Headline: JOHN H. LEAHY, AIDE OF INSURANCE FIRM. Impact: John H. Leahy’s work in the insurance field probably inspired the creation of millions of insurance memes, ensuring that every time you hear the word 'deductible,' you also think of cats. Fact: Leahy’s job title was so boring that it probably inspired a few episodes of 'The Office.'.
• Headline: O. P. S. Permits Pork Price Rise Of 1 to 8 Cents a Pound at Retail; PORK PRICE CEILING RAISED 1 TO 8 CENTS. Impact: The pork price rise may have inadvertently led to the great bacon craze, causing a global obsession with all things swine-related, from bacon-flavored toothpaste to artisanal bacon-infused ice cream. Fact: If only the O.P.S. had known—they could have marketed a 'Pork Price Inflation Survival Kit' instead of just adjusting prices!.
• Headline: THOMAS J. MURRAY. Impact: Thomas J. Murray's existence may have inspired a series of historical novels where every character is named Thomas, causing future generations to be incredibly confused about their lineage. Fact: Murray is a common enough name that if you say it three times in a row, an entire family reunion of Murrays might just appear.
• Headline: SIR HARCOURT 'GOLD. Impact: Sir Harcourt Gold’s name could have inspired a new trend in noble titles, leading to people naming their pets 'Duke of Barkington' and 'Countess Whiskers.'. Fact: Gold might have been his last name, but his first name was actually 'Harcourt.' The poor guy never stood a chance at being taken seriously.
• Headline: TO HEAR GAS APPLICATIONS; F.P.C, Sets Date for Exceptions to Its Examiner's Rulings. Impact: The gas application hearings could have triggered a nationwide fascination with gas prices, resulting in the birth of the 'Gas Price Watchers' club, where members gather to complain over coffee. Fact: The F.P.C. could have saved everyone a lot of time by just posting 'Gas prices are high; deal with it!' on social media.
• Headline: J/MES F. M'MULLEN. Impact: J/Mes F. McMullen's name may have inspired a new wave of hipster names, leading to a generation of 'J/mes' preferring to spell their names with slashes for added flair. Fact: McMullen’s name is so unique that spell-check likely just gave up and suggested 'Did you mean 'normal?'.