MARCH 28, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Driscoll Responds to Political Charges. Impact: Driscoll's denial of VP ambitions must have sent ripples through the political world, as it led to a cascade of politicians practicing their best poker faces in the hopes of not being accused of ambition. Spoiler alert: they still were.. Fact: It's funny how in politics, saying 'I don't want that job' is often the first sign that you really, really want it. Like a toddler insisting they don't want ice cream..
• Headline: Truman Returns to White House Triumphantly. Impact: Truman's return to the White House may have seemed like a triumphant moment, but it set off an avalanche of 'victory' smiles that politicians today still use to mask their existential dread. Thanks, Truman!. Fact: The 'golden key' Truman received is rumored to have opened a secret door to the 'Why Is This Job So Stressful?' room. But alas, no one knows the combination..
• Headline: Yale Naval Aide Transferred. Impact: The transfer of a Yale Naval Aide to Paris probably set off an international incident of academic proportions. Who knew that one naval commander could redefine the term 'naval gazing'?. Fact: Yale's Naval program is so prestigious that they probably have a secret handshake involving both a compass and a thesaurus..
• Headline: M'GRATH BACKED IN HOUSE; Stassen Is Accused of Trying to 'Smear' Attorney General. Impact: M'Grath’s backing in the House opened the floodgates for political smear campaigns that would eventually evolve into the modern-day reality show we call politics. Thanks a lot, M'Grath!. Fact: Accusations of illegal money-making in politics are about as common as a politician promising to tackle climate change. Spoiler: it’s usually just hot air..
• Headline: Arab Olympic Action Off. Impact: The decision by Arab states not to boycott the Olympics likely set the stage for a series of sporting events where politics and athleticism awkwardly tango. Spoiler: it’s still a mess today.. Fact: Apparently, sports diplomacy is the only time countries agree to play nice without resorting to throwing chairs or using their armies..
• Headline: Sutton Poesy in Re Cash Is No Like of Ogden Nash. Impact: Sutton's limerick about police confiscation could have inspired a wave of poetic protests, leading to a new art movement dedicated to the grievances of everyday life. Because nothing says 'revolution' like a catchy rhyme!. Fact: Ogden Nash was known for his witty poems, but I think Sutton just took it to the next level. Poetry: it’s not just for love letters and high school English classes anymore!.