MARCH 14, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Elizabeth Wreck Witness Accounts. Impact: The loud noise from the engine sparked a series of conspiracy theories about UFOs and secret government tests, leading to new generations of 'believers' who still think the truth is out there.. Fact: Witnesses often hear what they want to hear; in this case, they all decided it was a loud noise instead of just a regular plane malfunction..
• Headline: Nassau Defers Highway Project for Protests. Impact: Delaying highway construction led to a renaissance of local businesses, which, in turn, inspired the next generation of hipsters to start artisanal roadside stands selling overpriced avocados.. Fact: Protesting against a highway is basically a fancy way of saying 'we prefer our traffic jams to be scenic'..
• Headline: DEFEAT IS PREDICTED FOR LABOR GIFT CURB. Impact: The predicted defeat of the labor gift curb inspired labor unions to become more creative in their spending tactics, leading to a future where political campaigns are basically just expensive parties.. Fact: If you think political spending is bad now, just wait until you see how it skyrockets when people realize they can throw money at anything!.
• Headline: Article 3 -- No Title. Impact: Truman's decision not to run led to a series of 'what if' scenarios that resulted in countless alternative history novels, each more ridiculous than the last.. Fact: Every time a politician doesn't run, an army of amateur historians and novelists gets their wings. You're welcome, world!.
• Headline: The Proceedings in Albany. Impact: The proceedings in Albany turned into a circus over time, influencing future generations to think that politics is just another form of entertainment – leading to reality shows based on government.. Fact: If you think Albany is crazy now, just wait until the circus tent is set up for the next election!.
• Headline: PORTRAITS ON VIEW AT ART SHOWS HERE; Miniatures and Corbellini's Work, Scenes by Grandma Moses Now at Galleries. Impact: The art shows showcasing Grandma Moses' work inspired a generation of artists to embrace kitsch, leading to an explosion of 'inspired' art that now hangs in overpriced cafes worldwide.. Fact: Grandma Moses couldn’t even use a computer, yet her art still sells for thousands – proving that sometimes, ignorance is indeed bliss!.
• Headline: Taft Partisan Bids Ohioan Quit Race, Back General. Impact: Taft's withdrawal from the race paved the way for Eisenhower, which resulted in decades of people saying 'at least we're not Taft' whenever a bad leader is in charge.. Fact: If you think politics is chaotic now, just imagine if Taft had actually stayed in the race – we might have had a whole new level of disastrous history to deal with!.