MARCH 6, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Acheson Clears Clubb Amid Controversy. Impact: This decision to clear Clubb set off a chain of events that led to the establishment of a secret society of disgruntled government officials. They met in basements and plotted to create more convoluted bureaucracy, which would confuse citizens for decades to come.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'overrule' was first used in 1957 by a particularly frustrated official who just couldn't handle the paperwork. It's now synonymous with 'I don't care what you think.'.
• Headline: The Legacy of Edwin M. Harvey. Impact: Harvey’s name was forgotten in the annals of history, causing a time paradox where future historians had to spend countless hours researching unimportant bureaucrats instead of focusing on more riveting figures. Thanks, Edwin!. Fact: Did you know Edwin M. Harvey once attempted to start a squirrel rescue operation? He was convinced they were plotting against him..
• Headline: Army Recruits Deny Discrimination Claims. Impact: This denial led to an unexpected rise in the popularity of conspiracy theories about the Army, culminating in a best-selling book titled 'The Secret Life of the Army Engineers: Who Are They Really Recruiting?'. Fact: Did you know that the Army's recruitment strategy has remained unchanged since the invention of the wheel? They still rely on 'We have snacks' as their main selling point..
• Headline: Rezoning Hearings Set. Impact: The hearings sparked a series of protests that eventually led to a nationwide movement called 'Save Our Zoning,' which ironically resulted in the construction of several questionable taco stands.. Fact: Did you know that 'rezoning' was originally a term used by frustrated cats who wanted their territories adjusted? True story..
• Headline: JUSTICE OLIVER RETIRING; Leaving Special Sessions at 70 on April 6 -- Long City Career. Impact: Justice Oliver's retirement sent shockwaves through the legal community, causing a sudden spike in the average age of judges. By 1970, all judges were required to wear orthopedic shoes.. Fact: Did you know that Justice Oliver was once a champion hot dog eater? His retirement speech included a passionate plea for better condiments in the courtroom..
• Headline: BIG PROFIT DENIED ON SURPLUS SALES; Head of Des Moines 'School' Says It Lost Money on Deal -- Lawsonomy Explained. Impact: The denial of profit on surplus sales led to a long-standing tradition of schools claiming they are broke, which eventually resulted in the invention of invisible pens that only wrote in red ink.. Fact: Did you know Lawsonomy was just a fancy way of saying 'let’s make this sound more complicated than it is'? It's like calling your couch a 'resting apparatus.'.
• Headline: SAMUEL R. CROWDER. Impact: Crowder's brief appearance in the headlines led to his name being used for a highly popular line of Crocs in the future. Fashion is strange, folks.. Fact: Did you know Samuel R. Crowder once tried to trademark his name for a line of gourmet mustard? True ambition knows no bounds!.
• Headline: Greek 'Palace Guard Feud' Stirs Growing U. S. Concern; U. S. CONCERN RISES OVER GREEK UNITY. Impact: The feud in Greece turned out to be just a misunderstanding over who stole the last piece of baklava, which ultimately led to the Greek Unity Movement ... or was it just a really good pastry?. Fact: Did you know the original Palace Guard was just a group of guys who really liked wearing capes? They started the trend of dramatic entrances..
• Headline: Dewey Asks Wider Powers For L. I. Transit Authority; Calls on Legislature to Help Unit Get Title to Bankrupt Road for Reorganization Under Private or Public Ownership. Impact: Dewey's request for wider powers resulted in so many bureaucratic red tapes that the transit authority had to hire a dedicated team of people just to cut through it all, creating a new job market for 'tape-cutters.'. Fact: Did you know that Long Island Transit Authority meetings were once the hottest ticket in town? People would line up just to see if they'd finally get a coffee machine..
• Headline: ASSEMBLY UNIT KILLS AUTO INSPECTION PLAN. Impact: The killing of the auto inspection plan led to a dramatic increase in the number of uninspected cars, resulting in a secret underground society of mechanics who thrived on the chaos. They called themselves 'The Greasy Hand Gang.'. Fact: Did you know that killing a bill is just like killing a plant? It requires a combination of neglect and ignorance, but one is much more tragic than the other..