FEBRUARY 28, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trial Delayed Due to Lawyer's Illness. Impact: Had the lawyer not fallen ill, the trial may have set off a series of events leading to the immediate overthrow of the Reds, which would have resulted in a butterfly effect of political chaos across the globe, eventually leading to a world where cats ruled and dogs were the loyal subjects. But alas, thanks to one lawyer's sniffles, we still have a dog-centric world.. Fact: You know, it's almost like lawyers are human too! Who would've thought?.
• Headline: Kentucky Players Testify in Fix Inquiry. Impact: This inquiry opened the floodgates for future sports scandals, leading to the invention of the phrase 'Just throw a million dollars at it and hope no one notices.' Sports betting exploded, creating a reality where people make more money from fixing games than playing them. Thank you, Spivey and Hirsch!. Fact: Basketball was originally played with a peach basket. Now it’s played with peaches of a different kind... of ethics..
• Headline: Nassau County Sees Drop in Fire Losses. Impact: As the fire damage decreased, insurance companies rejoiced and increased premiums elsewhere. You can thank Nassau for making fire safety boring and insurance agents a little more sinister. Who knew a decrease in flames could lead to an increase in financial burns?. Fact: The only thing less fun than fire damage is talking to your insurance agent about it..
• Headline: CHILD COMPLETES FLIGHT AROUND WORLD ALONE. Impact: This incredible feat inspired countless children to dream big, leading to an era of 'If a 9-year-old can fly around the world, why can’t I run a Fortune 500 company?' Little did they know that their dreams would include a lot of caffeine and existential dread.. Fact: E. Bean, the child pilot, probably had more frequent flyer miles than most adults today. Take that, world of 'real' travel!.
• Headline: GERMANS TO MAKE ARMS FOR ALLIES; Explosives and Gun Tubes Due Now -- Armored Cars and Tanks Expected Later GERMANS TO MAKE ARMS FOR ALLIES. Impact: This decision set off a chain reaction of international arms discussions that eventually led to the creation of some of the worst puns in military history. 'Let's arm wrestle, but with actual arms!' became a favorite among defense contractors.. Fact: Germany making arms for allies sounds oddly like a bad sitcom plot. 'Two Nations, One Armory.'.
• Headline: TALKS FAIL TO OPEN PHILADELPHIA PORT; Conferences to Resume Today as U. S. Board Moves to End 3-Day Cargo Tie-Up. Impact: This little port fiasco demonstrated how a few dockworkers could hold an entire city hostage, leading to a new genre of superhero movies where dockworkers save the day, one cargo tie-up at a time. Watch out, Avengers!. Fact: Three days without cargo? That’s like a holiday for the shipping industry. Time off for all... except the dockworkers, of course..
• Headline: YELLOW OLEO WINS IN ASSEMBLY TEST; Committee, by a Vote of 11 to 8, Favors Sale of Colored Margarine in This State YELLOW OLEO WINS IN ASSEMBLY TEST. Impact: The victory of yellow oleo sparked a culinary revolution that led to the great margarine vs. butter debate, a timeless argument that now fuels social media wars. Who knew a little bit of colorful fat could cause so much drama?. Fact: Fun fact: Yellow oleo was once illegal to sell in some states. Guess they really didn’t want to get too 'buttery' with the competition!.
• Headline: ALASKA STATEHOOD SHELVED IN SENATE BY ONE VOTE, 45-44; Both Parties Split on Roll-Call to Recommit the Measure -- Fight on Hawaii Begins POLITICAL ASPECT FACTOR Threat of Filibuster Remains -- Presidential Candidates Join in Floor Debate Alaska Statehood Bill Is Shelved; Senate Recommits It by 45 to 44. Impact: Had Alaska gained statehood that day, the state of affairs could have shifted to a reality where igloos were the preferred method of housing. Instead, we remained in a timeline where reality TV shows about Alaska became a thing. Thanks, Senate!. Fact: Alaska's statehood debate was so close, it was practically the political equivalent of a game of rock-paper-scissors. Spoiler alert: paper won..
• Headline: NEW AUSTRIA PACT DRAWN; West Will Send Its Suggested Eight Articles to Moscow. Impact: This pact was just the tip of the iceberg, paving the way for future treaties and agreements that would eventually lead to the world’s most complicated game of diplomatic chess. Spoiler: no one wins, everyone just loses pieces.. Fact: The eight articles were just the West’s way of saying, 'We have eight reasons why you should be nice to us!' How charmingly passive-aggressive..
• Headline: MORE NATO AIR AID PROMISED BY U. S.; NO TROOP INCREASE; Considerable Rise in Aviation Force Due -- Replacements Only for Ground Units LOVETT DISCLOSES STEPS Truman Hails Result of Parley at Lisbon -- Acheson Will Talk to Nation Tomorrow MORE NATO AIR AID PROMISED BY U. S.. Impact: By promising air aid but no troops, the U.S. managed to create a new level of military optimism. People started believing that air support could solve everything, leading to an entire generation of couch warriors equipped with nothing but remote controls.. Fact: It’s almost like they thought they could just ‘Google’ their way into peace with air support. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out..