NOVEMBER 22, 1951

Full News Archive

• Headline: Legal Complications in Police Graft Trial. Impact: This trial's legal snafu led to a new loophole in the justice system where defendants can now refuse to testify, giving rise to future courtroom dramas that would make for terrible TV shows. Thanks, Capt McGillicuddy, for inspiring a generation of lawyers to dodge questions. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'I plead the fifth' became a nationwide catchphrase after this trial? Lawyers everywhere rejoiced!.
• Headline: City College Records Scandal Hearings Begin. Impact: The closed hearings on college records paved the way for future generations of students to hide their questionable academic choices behind closed doors. Thanks to this precedent, no one would ever know about that time you barely scraped through calculus. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'what happens in college stays in college' was practically invented here. Or maybe they just forgot to send the memo to the students.
• Headline: A.E. PERKINS, VETERAN OF INDIAN WARS, 81. Impact: A.E. Perkins' legacy as a veteran of Indian Wars meant that countless future history classes would have to awkwardly explain the complexities of America's past, resulting in a generation of confused students who thought they were signing up for a cooking class. Fact: Perkins was so legendary that even his ghost is rumored to haunt history textbooks, demanding better representation!.
• Headline: YUGOSLAV TROOPS AWARE OF ISSUES; Political Education and Morale Are Effective, Writer Finds in Visit to Artillery Unit. Impact: The Yugoslav troops' political education created a bizarre cult of morale that eventually inspired a series of motivational posters, proving that sometimes, just sometimes, a little political education can lead to an overabundance of enthusiasm. Fact: Did you know that 'Yugo' became synonymous with 'enthusiasm' due to the overzealous morale of these troops? Just kidding, it didn't, but it should have!.
• Headline: GRUENTHER URGES SPEED ON U.S. ARMS; Tells Atlantic Pact Military Committee That Deliveries Abroad Must Be Faster. Impact: Gruenther's insistence on speed in U.S. arms deliveries set off a military-industrial complex that would lead to more red tape than a government office; basically, it was the beginning of 'how to procrastinate on a global scale.'. Fact: The phrase 'Faster than a speeding bullet' was coined shortly after this meeting, but it was mostly in reference to the paperwork involved.
• Headline: Renewed Hopes for Peace Brighten Thanksgiving Day; Truman Asks for Divine Guidance in Special Proclamation--Ridgway and Van Fleet Issue Messages--Travel Here Heavy. Impact: Truman's Thanksgiving Day proclamation ushered in a new annual tradition of politicians sending heartfelt messages while simultaneously plotting their next moves, turning Thanksgiving into an event filled with ulterior motives. Fact: Truman's turkey was reportedly less thankful than he was, leading to a national crisis that would later influence the marketing of Thanksgiving dinner!.
• Headline: Union Officer's Perjury Admission Interrupts Hearing on Dock Strike; Spencer of I.L.A. Atlantic Area Accused by Union's Lawyer--Panel to Decide on Citing Him--Red List Revealed. Impact: The admission of perjury by Spencer during the dock strike hearings led to a series of labor scandals that would haunt unions for decades, making it clear that honesty was not a prerequisite for a successful career in labor relations. Fact: Spencer's infamous quote, 'I thought it was just a suggestion!' became a rallying cry for all those who prefer to blur the lines of truth in negotiations.