JULY 12, 1951

Full News Archive

• Headline: Newsstand Clerks Reach Pay Agreement. Impact: This small pay increase led to the rise of the caffeinated reader, who would later demand espresso at every newsstand, ultimately resulting in a global coffee shortage in 2078. Thanks, union!. Fact: Did you know that the average newsstand clerk can recite the entire plot of 'The Great Gatsby'? No? Neither do they, but they sure know how to sell you a candy bar!.
• Headline: Failed Search for Paris Premier in 1951. Impact: This failed search for a leader sparked a series of political games that led to the invention of French 'political bingo,' which is still played in cafes today. Every time someone says 'unity,' someone else drinks a coffee.. Fact: Did you know that French politicians are required to wear berets during negotiations? No? Well, now you know why they never seem to get anything done!.
• Headline: Fugitive Arrested in Jersey Shooting Case. Impact: This fugitive's capture inadvertently inspired a popular TV series about criminals evading capture, which later led to the rise of reality TV. Thanks, Brooklyn!. Fact: Did you know that New Jersey is the only state where it's illegal to pump your own gas? But hey, at least they have great fugitives!.
• Headline: Stock Yards Hall Favored For Democratic Parley. Impact: The decision to hold the parley at a stockyard led to a series of meat-related puns in political speeches, which ultimately culminated in the infamous 'beef between the parties' era of the late 20th century.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing juicier than a political debate is the gossip that follows it? Just ask any cow in that stockyard!.
• Headline: ONLY 87 B-36'S HELD READY FOR ACTION; House Group Members Called 'Shocked' by Small Number of Air Force's Atomic Bombers 60 Are Being Modernized African Base Progress Hailed. Impact: This shocking revelation about the number of bombers led to a secret meeting of conspiracy theorists who mistakenly believed the Air Force was actually developing flying saucers. Spoiler alert: they weren’t.. Fact: Did you know that the B-36 was so large that it could probably carry a full football team? If only they had offered free snacks, they might have had a better retention rate..
• Headline: QUARTET TO VISIT BERLIN; Juilliard String Ensemble Will Play at Arts Festival. Impact: This ensemble's visit to Berlin sparked a wave of classical music appreciation that led to the rise of hipster baristas in the 21st century, who insist on brewing coffee while discussing Beethoven's hair.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more pretentious than a string quartet is a string quartet playing in Berlin? They practically invented the term 'serious music.'.
• Headline: CONVOY IS HALTED; ON THE WAY TO TRUCE NEGOTIATIONS U.N. HALTS PARLEY AFTER RED ACTION Army Recall Rescinded Present Line Preferred Ridgway Ties Press to Mission TEXT OF JOY'S MESSAGE. Impact: This convoy halt led to the creation of the first 'Road Trip' playlist, which ironically included the song 'We Will Rock You,' in an attempt to lighten the mood during serious negotiations.. Fact: Did you know that U.N. meetings often include snacks? Too bad they forgot that while stopping for negotiations, a well-timed cookie could change the world!.
• Headline: Beef Low in Missouri; G.O.P. Learns a Reason. Impact: The low beef prices in Missouri resulted in a nationwide beef shortage, leading to the day when all barbecue grills were replaced with tofu substitutes. The vegetarians rejoiced, the carnivores wept.. Fact: Did you know that Missouri is home to more cows than people? Sounds like a great place for a beef-themed reality show!.
• Headline: EISENHOWER RACE IN '52 CALLED SURE; Backers Hope to Report His Availability as Republican Candidate by Thanksgiving Expect Drive to Grow St. Louis Speech Cited Two Men Guide Campaign. Impact: This early announcement about Eisenhower's candidacy set the stage for political campaigns filled with slogans about turkey and stuffing, forever intertwining Thanksgiving with electoral madness.. Fact: Did you know that Thanksgiving was the launchpad for more political careers than any actual campaign? Pass the gravy, please!.