JUNE 15, 1951

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lutherans Elect Dr. O.A. Benson. Impact: Dr. O.A. Benson's election led to a resurgence of Lutheran popularity, inadvertently causing a nationwide debate about the best potluck dishes, ultimately resulting in a potato salad renaissance in the 1980s. Fact: Lutherans are known for their potlucks, making them the unsung heroes of midwestern cuisine. Who knew faith could be so filling?.
• Headline: Blind Youth Wins Story Prize. Impact: J.J. Boyer's short story victory inspired a generation of blind youth to take up creative writing, inadvertently leading to a spike in 'inspirational' novels that everyone pretends to love but nobody reads. Fact: Winning a story contest at 14 is impressive, but can he write a bestseller about adulting? That’s the real challenge.
• Headline: WORLD POLICE MAP WAR ON NARCOTICS; Lisbon Session Hears of Rise in Smuggling by Air--U.S. Absent From Meeting. Impact: The world’s police mapping a war on narcotics without U.S. involvement led to a dramatic increase in contraband smuggling tactics, inspiring movies about clever drug lords and their elaborate schemes. Fact: It's ironic that police need a map for a drug war; you’d think they’d just follow the money or, you know, the cloud of smoke.
• Headline: Moves to Prosecute Reds Mapped by Federal Aides. Impact: The federal aides' plan to prosecute local Communist leaders set off a nationwide paranoia that led to the creation of more conspiracy theories than there are conspiracy theorists, culminating in the 'Red Scare' that prompted countless overreactions. Fact: Prosecuting Communists in the 1950s was like trying to find a needle in a haystack—if the haystack was also convinced it was being watched by a government drone.
• Headline: Miss Truman Reaches Brussels. Impact: Miss Truman's arrival in Brussels was the butterfly that flapped its wings, leading to a series of awkward diplomatic encounters that would ultimately inspire a sitcom about dysfunctional international relations. Fact: Miss Truman was probably asked if she was related to Harry at least a dozen times—because that's how history works, right?.
• Headline: 10 GRADUATES WIN AWARDS; Westinghouse Scholarships Go to Winners of Tests. Impact: The awarding of Westinghouse scholarships boosted the engineering field, indirectly leading to the creation of several questionable inventions, including the self-stirring mug that changed lives—sort of. Fact: Winning a scholarship means you’re smarter than your peers, but it doesn’t mean you’ll ever understand your student loans.
• Headline: HERRIOT APPEALS FOR CENTER VOTE; French Ex-Premier Ends Tour With Plea to Shun Both Red and Gaullist Tickets 2 Extreme Blocs Opposed Widespread Alliances Formed. Impact: Herriot's appeal for a center vote ended up making political centrism the hot new trend, ultimately leading to more bland policies that nobody cared about but everyone pretended to support. Fact: Politicians pleading for moderation is like asking for a 'just okay' pizza—nobody actually wants it, but it’s always an option.
• Headline: STATE FINDS ADDICT CAN BUY NARCOTICS ANYWHERE IN CITY; Women Prisoners' Recordings Cite Well-Known Places, but Doubt Owners' Awareness DEPOT UNDER POLICE NOSES One Patrolman Is Accused of Shaking Down Both Sides in Shady Harlem Hotel Shakedown Story Told Departmental Trial Monday Narcotics on Tap Anywhere in City, Women Victims Tell State Inquiry Gives a Cook's Tour List of Places Read Raises Estimate By 1,000. Impact: The state inquiry into narcotics sales revealed a shocking level of corruption and incompetence that sparked a nationwide conversation about police transparency—though not much changed, of course. Fact: A police officer shaking down both sides is just the kind of plot twist everyone expects from a bad cop movie—except this one was real life.
• Headline: Books of The Times; Not Up to Book on Borgia An Andersen Tale Recalled. Impact: The critique of 'The Innocence of Pastor Muller' set off a chain reaction of literary criticism that eventually led to the rise of social media influencers critiquing books they haven't even read. Fact: Not being up to par with a book about the Borgia family is pretty much the literary equivalent of being second place in a potato sack race. It's still a race; just not the one anyone remembers.