JUNE 11, 1951

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dewey's Inquiry into School Narcotics. Impact: Dewey's inquiry sparked the creation of an elite task force known as 'School Detectives,' who now patrol the hallways with magnifying glasses and capes.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'narcotics' in schools led to more students trying to sneak in cookies labeled as 'suspiciously delicious.'.
• Headline: AUSTRIA REMAINS A 'PROBLEM CHILD'; U.S. Commissioner Returning to Report on Reasons for Her Continued Helplessness. Impact: Austria's status as a 'problem child' resulted in it being adopted by every international committee looking for a new project to fuss over. Spoiler: they all left it with more issues.. Fact: Austria's helplessness could have inspired the famous phrase 'It's not you, it's me,' but unfortunately, it didn’t..
• Headline: PRINCETON SENIORS EXHORTED TO FAITH; It Should Be Vital Part of Life Philosophy, Dr. Dodds Says in Baccalaureate Address Faith Held Essential Wilson Hall Stone to Be Laid. Impact: Dr. Dodds's address inadvertently led to an influx of students majoring in 'Philosophical Confusion' as they attempted to reconcile faith with their student debt.. Fact: Did you know that many Princeton seniors took Dr. Dodds's advice so seriously that they prayed for better grades instead of studying?.
• Headline: RECORD SENIOR CLASS AT MANHATTAN MASS. Impact: Manhattan’s increasing senior class led to a significant rise in the production of 'I survived high school' merchandise, which is still a bestseller today.. Fact: Fun fact: The enormous senior class was so large they needed to reserve an entire section of the city’s skyline for their graduation caps..
• Headline: LONG ISLAND ROAD SHOWS A NEW LOSS; Increased Deficit in Quarter is Laid to Wages and Prices Above Those in 1950 LONG ISLAND ROAD SHOWS A NEW LOSS. Impact: Long Island's newfound deficit caused a chain reaction of 'Budget Meetings' that resulted in the invention of the phrase 'I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.'. Fact: Did you know that the Long Island deficit was later blamed for the rise of overpriced coffee shops, where the only thing more inflated than prices were the egos of the baristas?.
• Headline: Mrs. Roosevelt Buys Israel Bond. Impact: Mrs. Roosevelt’s bond purchase became a symbol of hope and investment, inspiring future generations to consider buying 'fancy paper' as a sign of commitment to causes.. Fact: Fun fact: Mrs. Roosevelt's bond purchase was so significant that it was rumored to have temporarily boosted the stock market in 'good vibes.'.
• Headline: U.S. LEADERS TO TALK AT LISBON SESSIONS. Impact: The Lisbon sessions became a legendary event, inspiring countless memes about politicians discussing the weather while the world burned around them.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more predictable than U.S. leaders at a conference is the fact that someone will inevitably mention the weather?.