MAY 8, 1951

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sports of The Times: A Commentary. Impact: If only Daley had kept his mouth shut, perhaps we wouldn't have had to endure centuries of sports commentary that feels like a slice of stale pizza. But here we are, with every sports analyst feeling immortal because of it.. Fact: Daley's comment was so profound that it inspired a generation of couch potatoes to become armchair quarterbacks. Thanks, Daley!.
• Headline: U.S. Forces Arrive in Iceland. Impact: The arrival of U.S. forces in Iceland set off a chain reaction that would ultimately lead to the invention of the Icelandic hot dog. Who knew military strategy could be so delicious?. Fact: Iceland’s military strategy involved not just defense but also ensuring that troops had access to the best hot dogs on Earth. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: General Blames Admin Over Formosa Talks. Impact: General's blame game led to the creation of an underground society of bureaucrats dedicated to ensuring that blame is always redirected, resulting in a never-ending cycle of finger-pointing.. Fact: In a world where everyone is just blaming everyone else, it’s a miracle that pencils are still being used for checking boxes instead of pointing fingers..
• Headline: SOVIET ASKS PARLEY ON JAPANESE PACT; Assailing U.S. Draft, Moscow Calls for Meeting of States Involved in Peace Treaty. Impact: Soviet requests for discussions turned into a game of geopolitical telephone that had everyone confused about who was actually in charge of what. Spoiler: Nobody was.. Fact: Fun fact: The Soviet Sport pub became a metaphorical hotspot for strategizing peace talks, proving once again that beer and diplomacy often go hand in hand..
• Headline: 65 POLICEMEN FACE INDICTMENT TODAY; Leibowitz Set to Arraign Men Named in 8-Month Inquiry on 'Protected' Gambling. Impact: The indictment of 65 policemen led to a severe decline in public trust, contributing to the rise of private investigator shows on TV. So, thank you, corrupt cops, for giving us endless entertainment.. Fact: You’d think policemen would be the last to get caught up in a gambling scandal, but here we are, proving that crime does indeed pay... in irony..
• Headline: PEARSON OF CANADA ASKS FRANK TALK; Foreign Secretary Says Allies Should Not Fear Honest Discussion of Goals. Impact: Pearson's call for frankness ignited a chain of discussions that eventually led to the realization that honesty is overrated in politics. Who knew?. Fact: Pearson's 'honest discussion' was so refreshing that it caused a temporary shortage of political spin doctors. They were all on vacation, coincidentally..
• Headline: The Senate, Playing It Fair, Delegates Same Welcoming Committee for Marshall. Impact: Senate's welcoming committee for Marshall was so fair that it paved the way for future committees to be just as non-committal, leading to decades of lukewarm receptions.. Fact: Senate committees have been known to welcome each other with the same enthusiasm as a root canal appointment. Oh, the joy of bipartisanship!.
• Headline: SOVIET STEEL OUTPUT IS 1% SHORT OF GOAL. Impact: Soviet steel output missing its goal by 1% led to a nationwide campaign of encouragement, inadvertently creating a culture of 'just try harder' that persisted for decades.. Fact: Rumor has it that the 1% shortfall inspired motivational posters in Soviet factories, featuring a steelworker lifting weights with the slogan, 'You can do it!'.
• Headline: FRIEND OF TRUMAN ACCUSED IN SENATE; Williams Also Says 2 Federal Agencies Held Up Evidence From Inquiry on Finnegan. Impact: The Senate's accusations against Truman's friend created a precedent for political scandals that would last far beyond the 20th century, turning every election into a circus.. Fact: The phrase 'it’s not personal, it’s just politics' was coined right around this time, forever justifying every backstabber in the business..
• Headline: M'ARTHUR RBTURNS HIS OFFICIAL PLANE; No Longer Appropriate for Him to Use It, General FeelsDewey Pays 2 -Hour Visit. Impact: MacArthur's official plane return marked the end of an era, leading to the eventual abandonment of military-style travel for more practical means—like Uber.. Fact: The General's feelings about his plane were so strong that it inspired a new genre of military memoirs titled 'The Planes We Loved and Lost.'.