MARCH 15, 1951

Full News Archive

• Headline: Greenglass Testimony Supports Spy Claims. Impact: Mrs. Greenglass's testimony not only sealed her husband's fate but also sparked a series of events leading to the eventual creation of espionage movies, where the real drama is always in the courtroom rather than the spy work. Thanks, Mrs. G!. Fact: Did you know that the Rosenbergs were later executed? So, if you ever thought your family drama was bad, just remember: at least nobody in your family is fighting for a spot in history as a notorious spy..
• Headline: Television's First Live Sales Event. Impact: This was the moment when television realized it could distract the masses from actual news by simply showing shiny objects and people yelling about sales. And here we are, still glued to the screen like moths to a flame.. Fact: Did you know that back in the day, 'on television' just meant you were too lazy to read the news? Some things never change!.
• Headline: Pension Approved for Dr. Melish. Impact: The approval of Dr. Melish's pension marked the beginning of the great debate about clergy pensions, which eventually led to the creation of the 'Clergy's Retirement Fund', where they could finally afford to stop wearing those itchy robes.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing harder than finding a successor for a church rector is finding someone willing to listen to a sermon about how to live a better life?.
• Headline: AIR FORCE TO CALL R.O.T.C. GRADUATES; 8,100 in '51 Class Affected-- House Unit Makes Childless Husbands Draft-Eligible AIR FORCE TO CALL R.O.T.C. GRADUATES. Impact: The call for R.O.T.C. graduates to be draft eligible meant that suddenly, childless husbands everywhere found themselves feeling very personal about their life choices. Thanks to this, many went on to have kids just to dodge the draft—talk about a 'butterfly effect'.. Fact: Did you know that the military once considered drafting pets? Because, y'know, why not add some chaos to the mix?.
• Headline: GERMANS REQUEST SHOWDOWN ON POOL; Virtually Demand British Back U.S. and French Stand on Modified Decartelization Would Liquidate Coal Unit. Impact: This moment is where the Germans learned that when you ask for a showdown, you better bring your best arguments—or at least a good poker face. This led to a whole series of diplomatic games that would make Monopoly look like child's play.. Fact: Did you know that the Ruhr region is famous for its coal and steel production? Kind of like calling a pizza parlor the best place for salads..
• Headline: Columbia Teacher Arrested, Linked to 2 on Trial as Spies; ARRESTED BY F.B.I.. Impact: The arrest of a Columbia teacher linked to espionage created a ripple that eventually inspired a generation of students to take their studies more seriously—because who wants to end up in a spy scandal, right?. Fact: Did you know that being accused of espionage is the academic equivalent of failing a pop quiz? No one wants that kind of pressure!.
• Headline: Berlin-Bound Traffic Delayed. Impact: The delays at the East zone border became the perfect excuse for many to complain about traffic, forever intertwining politics with everyday inconveniences and solidifying the stereotype of the frustrated commuter.. Fact: Did you know that 'Berlin-bound traffic' is just another way of saying 'your plans are ruined'? Some things are universal..
• Headline: Community Colllege Status Voted For Fashion Institute by Assembly. Impact: The vote for the Fashion Institute's community college status set off a fashion revolution, leading to the world where students now argue over the best way to drape a scarf rather than the value of a good education.. Fact: Did you know that fashion students are basically just artists who got tired of being broke? It’s true—just ask their bank accounts..
• Headline: 4 Warships Back From Korea. Impact: The return of the warships from Korea marked a pivotal moment when military personnel became the new celebrities; they returned to parades instead of protests, making them the original reality stars.. Fact: Did you know that destroyers are called that because they destroy the enemy? I guess 'heroes' was already taken!.