JANUARY 9, 1951

Full News Archive

• Headline: Progressive Democrats Support Fair Deal. Impact: If only they had known their little dinner party would lead to the rise of 'progressive' hashtags on social media, changing the face of political discourse forever, one tweet at a time.. Fact: This dinner probably had better food than most political meetings today, too bad the discussions didn’t come with a side of common sense..
• Headline: Record-Breaking Navy Jet Flight. Impact: The moment those jets broke the sound barrier, a chain reaction was set in motion that eventually led to the creation of the 'fastest delivery' pizza in 30 minutes or less. Sorry, Italian cuisine.. Fact: 536 M.P.H? That’s faster than most politicians can dodge a tough question!.
• Headline: Thomas Takes Oath of Office in 1951. Impact: Thomas taking the oath of office meant a future filled with awkward moments of him explaining what he actually does to his relatives at family gatherings.. Fact: Oaths have been around longer than reality TV. Imagine if we had to watch politicians take their oaths in a dramatic fashion like a season finale!.
• Headline: BRITAIN TO STUDY DOCTORS; Plans Inquiry on Their Role in National Health Service. Impact: This inquiry could lead to a better understanding of doctors' roles, eventually paving the way for patients to actually understand what their doctors are saying—who knew?. Fact: Spoiler alert: The inquiry will likely conclude that doctors are just as confused about the NHS as the rest of us..
• Headline: Balfour Set as Envoy to Madrid. Impact: Balfour's appointment as envoy to Madrid set off a series of diplomatic events that would eventually inspire countless political thrillers. Hollywood loves a good plot twist.. Fact: With a name like Balfour, you’d expect him to be a character in a Victorian novel, not an envoy. What a twist!.
• Headline: French Get 3 U.S. Vessels. Impact: The transfer of vessels to France likely led to a series of unfortunate nautical mishaps, including the French accidentally trying to make the ships into floating cafes.. Fact: If only we could have witnessed the bureaucratic paperwork needed to transfer ships. Talk about a floating nightmare!.
• Headline: Blind Leper Writes Song That Proves Hit on Coast. Impact: This song's success could lead to the rise of more blind musicians, inspiring a whole new genre: 'blind-sational hits' that would dominate the charts.. Fact: Imagine being so talented that your disability becomes your superpower—talk about a plot twist worthy of a music video!.
• Headline: 'MOBY DICK' MUSIC OFFERED BY CANTELLI. Impact: Cantelli's adaptation of 'Moby Dick' might have led to the creation of a genre where classic literature meets symphonic overtures, paving the way for hipster book clubs everywhere.. Fact: Who knew a whale could inspire such beautiful music? Maybe we should start a symphony for every classic novel and see how that goes—Lord of the Flies, anyone?.