DECEMBER 11, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rev H B Ansted's Missionary Position. Impact: Rev H B Ansted's new position set off a chain reaction of well-meaning but ultimately disastrous missionary endeavors, resulting in the spread of more awkward small talk than actual missionary work.. Fact: Missionary positions have been a topic of debate long before they became popular in certain 'adult' contexts!.
• Headline: Senate Urges Wage-Price Controls Amid Refusals. Impact: Mandatory wage-price controls were introduced after the auto industry refused to budge, leading to a nationwide 'refusal movement' where people just refused to pay for anything. Thanks, Ford and GM, for the rise of barter systems!. Fact: Wage-price controls are like trying to hold back a tidal wave with a paper umbrella – good luck with that!.
• Headline: 4 AMERICANS GET THEIR NOBEL PRIZES; AMERICANS RECEIVING NOBEL PRIZES ABROAD. Impact: The Nobel Prizes awarded to Americans inspired a wave of intense competition, leading to the creation of the 'Nobel for Best Hair' – which has yet to be recognized internationally.. Fact: The Nobel Prize was originally meant for peace, but now it feels more like a participation trophy for the world's best overachievers..
• Headline: ISRAELI VILLAGE FOUNDED; Givath Washington Created With Funds Raised in U. S.. Impact: The founding of Givath Washington sparked a series of fundraisers that led to the popularization of rubber chicken dinners and awkward charity auctions.. Fact: Every time someone donates to a new village, somewhere a chicken gets its wings clipped. Just kidding, it's not that serious... or is it?.
• Headline: FLAGSTAD SINGS IN CARNEGIE HALL; Capacity Audience Acclaims Soprano--Grieg's 'Haugtussa' Cycle Feature of Evening. Impact: Flagstad's performance at Carnegie Hall led to a wave of operatic karaoke nights across the nation, resulting in several broken glasses and a surge in earplug sales.. Fact: Kirsten Flagstad was known for her vocal prowess, while most karaoke enthusiasts are known for their impressive ability to clear a room..
• Headline: Duclos Warns France on Pact. Impact: Duclos' warning about the German role in the French-USSR pact caused a ripple effect of paranoia, leading to more conspiracy theories than actual agreements.. Fact: Politics is a lot like high school – if you don't watch your back, someone might throw a pie in your face!.
• Headline: AID FOR REFUGEES ASKED; Office for Europeans and Asians Needed, Relief Societies Hear. Impact: The push for aid for refugees led to an oversaturation of feel-good social media posts, making it nearly impossible for anyone to scroll through their feeds without feeling guilty.. Fact: Msgr E E Swanstrom was probably the first to realize that social media likes don’t actually help with resettling populations. Just a hunch!.
• Headline: Solari Heads Argentine Army. Impact: Maj Gen Solari's appointment led to a series of military blunders that became the stuff of legend, proving that sometimes, generals have no idea what they're doing.. Fact: Being in charge of an army is just like being a parent: you pretend to know what you're doing while secretly hoping no one finds out!.