DECEMBER 9, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Queens Litter Drive Launches. Impact: The increased scrutiny on littering in Queens caused an underground rebellion of litterbugs who wore their trashy habits like badges of honor, inspiring a whole new subculture of anti-cleanliness.. Fact: Queens is so dedicated to this litter drive that they might as well start handing out awards for 'Best Trash Pile.'.
• Headline: Truman's Note Critiques Music Critic. Impact: This scolding ignited a long-standing feud between critics and artists, leading to a future where artists would send passive-aggressive tweets to critics instead of confronting them in person. The world became a theater of online drama.. Fact: Imagine being scolded by the President for your taste in music—talk about a career-ending review!.
• Headline: W.O. RIORDAN, HEAD OF STERN'S, 60, DIES; Department Store President Since 1932 Was Leader in Religious, Welfare Groups. Impact: His passing marked the end of an era for Stern's, leading to a future where department stores became increasingly impersonal, eventually transforming into the cavernous, soul-sucking retail experiences we know today.. Fact: Riordan's contributions were so impactful that some say he could have single-handedly kept the concept of customer service alive—if only for a while longer..
• Headline: WOULD DELAY POLICE JOBS; Citizens Union Notes Change in Sergeants' List After Jan. 1. Impact: This delay led to a series of bureaucratic nightmares that solidified the stereotype of government inefficiency, ultimately spawning a reality TV show called 'Waiting for a Sergeant.'. Fact: Nothing says 'we care' like a delay in police appointments—who needs timely law enforcement when you have red tape?.
• Headline: JERSEY RESERVOIRS RISE; Wanaque, Pequannock Reserve Is Twice That of Last Year. Impact: This rise in reservoirs led to an unexpected boom in water-themed parties, where people celebrate their hydration levels instead of their social lives.. Fact: If only the rise in reservoirs could lead to a rise in common sense. Imagine the possibilities!.