DECEMBER 1, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Reynolds Aluminum Plant Proposal in Texas. Impact: If Reynolds hadn't secured that gas supply, we might have been living in a world where aluminum cans were replaced by... I don’t know, glass bottles? The horror!. Fact: Fun fact: The first aluminum can was introduced in 1960, but if this deal fell through, we might still be using tin cans and wondering why our soda tastes like rust.
• Headline: Adenauer's Call for German Equality. Impact: Adenauer's insistence on equality led to a butterfly effect where every German subsequently demanded equal rights to all the best beer gardens, making Oktoberfest a riotous affair. Literally. Fact: Did you know that beer is considered a food group in Germany? Well, at least in spirit!.
• Headline: 2 STATEHOOD BILLS STALLED IN SENATE; Majority Leader Asserts They Face Defeat by Opposition to Civil Rights Phase. Impact: This Senate stall caused a ripple effect where every statehood bill from then on was met with a resounding 'meh,' leading to a national pastime of procrastination. Fact: Did you know that the Senate has been procrastinating since its inception? Some things never change!.
• Headline: KEY PRICE JOB GOES TO TOLEDO'S MAYOR; PRICE STABILIZER. Impact: Mayor DiSalle's appointment as Price Stabilization Director led to a future where every item in Toledo was priced at exactly $1. Because who needs inflation when you can have flat pricing?. Fact: Did you know Toledo was once known as the Glass City? But with price stabilization, they might as well be the Flat City!.
• Headline: DEFENSE AIDE BARS MASS EVACUATIONS; Wadsworth Says Production Must Be Maintained, Scorns 'Take-to-Hills' View. Impact: Wadsworth's rejection of mass evacuations inspired a generation of survivalists who instead opted for DIY bunkers filled with canned beans and conspiracy theories about alien invasions. Fact: Did you know that the term 'prepper' was coined because of people like Wadsworth? Just kidding, but it could have been!.
• Headline: Justice Cribb Will Retire. Impact: Justice Cribb's retirement sparked a wave of judges deciding to retire early, leading to a nationwide shortage of judges and an increase in court TV dramas. We call this the 'Law & Order' effect. Fact: Did you know that retirement age for Supreme Court justices is flexible? Just like the definition of 'justice' in some TV shows!.
• Headline: STAND MAINTAINED ON DEFENSE FUND; City Planning Body Insists on $25,000,000 Reserve Instead of Capital Budget Provision. Impact: By refusing to include the $25 million defense item, the city planning body inadvertently inspired a new generation of urban planners who decided that defense was overrated and opted for community gardens instead. Who needs safety when you can have tomatoes?. Fact: Did you know that community gardens can reduce crime rates? But if you're looking for a good defense, I recommend a fence, not a tomato plant.
• Headline: NEW DEFENSES SET; Allies During Lull Form a Line Thirty Miles Above Pyongyang AIR BASES ARE ABANDONED U.S. Marines Encircled Near Reservoir in Northeast Beat Off Attacks by Chinese. Impact: The encirclement of the U.S. Marines led to an international 'Marines on the Rocks' cocktail trend, as people celebrated their bravery with drinks named after battle regions. Because nothing says honor like a cocktail party!. Fact: Did you know that the 'Chosin Reservoir' is also a popular name for a cocktail? Just kidding, but it should be!.
• Headline: House Bill Proposes Coordinator Of Civil Defense With Wide Power; Measure Would Authorize Aide to Truman to Direct Aid to States, Relief, Research --Passage This Session Doubted. Impact: The doubts about the civil defense coordinator bill led to a future where every government proposal came with a disclaimer: 'Results may vary based on Congress’s mood that day.'. Fact: Did you know that most legislative proposals are like New Year’s resolutions? They look good on paper but rarely see the light of day!.