NOVEMBER 13, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Perspectives for Jewish Women Urged. Impact: This call for a new perspective on Jewish views led to the formation of an underground society of Jewish philosophers who, in a twist of fate, invented the modern bagel-making technique, forever changing brunch menus worldwide. Fact: The 'view' referred to is not a new way to look at things, but rather a way to look at things while also holding a bagel. Multitasking at its finest!.
• Headline: Tragic Air Crash in Purchase, NY. Impact: This tragic event prompted a nationwide increase in safety regulations that ultimately led to the invention of the 'cuddle seat' on planes, revolutionizing in-flight romance. Too bad it took a tragedy to get there. Fact: Air travel has come a long way since then, but one thing remains constant: turbulence still feels like a rollercoaster ride in a metal tube.
• Headline: ALBERTA BLAST KILLS 10; 11 Persons in Hospital, Others Hurt in Explosion of Hotel. Impact: In the aftermath, a new safety regulation was introduced that required hotels to have their gas lines checked regularly, which later inspired the creation of the 'safety inspector' reality TV series. Because what’s more entertaining than watching people check gas lines?. Fact: Explosions are a real blast, but not when they involve people. Always check your gas lines, folks!.
• Headline: China Bars Listening to 'Voice'. Impact: This censorship effort inadvertently led to a global underground movement where people started passing around cassette tapes of banned music, which is how the '80s became the decade of rebellion and mixtapes. Fact: Listening to 'The Voice' is now a reality show, but I guess back then, it was just a way to ensure you didn't hear anything you weren’t supposed to.
• Headline: Soviet Army Is Said to Plan 12,000,000-Man Pool by '54; SOVIET ARMY POOL OF 12,000,000 SEEN Comparisons Reversed. Impact: This ambitious plan led to an unexpected rise in competitive synchronized swimming events in the Soviet Union, which became a secret weapon in Cold War diplomacy. Who knew that aquatic choreography could win hearts?. Fact: The Soviet Union was really ahead of its time; they were the original 'Team Russia' before it was cool.
• Headline: RED OUSTER CHARGE GIVEN; Greek General Markos Held 'Trotskyite Opportunist'. Impact: This political drama in Greece set off a chain reaction of ideological purges that eventually inspired the plot of every political thriller movie ever made. Thank you, General Markos, for Hollywood’s endless supply of material. Fact: Being labeled a 'Trotskyite' is basically the 1950s equivalent of being called a 'hipster' today. Just a little too avant-garde for the mainstream!.
• Headline: U.S. MAJOR, PRINCESS WED; W.H. Wambold, Air Attache in Iran, Marries Guity Kadjar. Impact: This royal union sparked a trend of military personnel marrying into royalty, eventually leading to the creation of the reality TV series 'Military Royalty: Who Wore It Best?'. Fact: When a major marries a princess, you can bet there will be at least one awkward family dinner involving military tactics and royal protocols.
• Headline: Acute Shortage of Engineers Seen As Enrollment in Colleges Slumps; ENGINEER SCARCITY LOOMS FOR NATION Selective Service Plans. Impact: The engineering shortage led to a nationwide campaign to convince kids that becoming an engineer was cool, inadvertently leading to an increase in dad jokes about structural integrity at family gatherings. Fact: The only thing scarier than an engineer shortage is an engineer trying to explain their job at a party. Spoiler alert: it involves a lot of math.
• Headline: Text of Summary and Recommendations in Gray's Report on Foreign Economic Policies; SUMMARY Objectives of Our Foreign Economic Policy Developments in the PostWar Period The Impact of Accelerated Rearmament Problems of the Future. Impact: This lengthy report led to the creation of the 'Bureau of Long-Winded Reports,' which later inspired countless people to write equally boring yet important documents that nobody reads but everyone pretends to care about. Fact: Gray's Report is a prime example of how to turn a simple idea into an insufferably long read that only gets referenced in awkward academic conversations.