OCTOBER 26, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Supports Mao's UN Membership. Impact: Allowing Mao into the U.N. triggered an alternate timeline where the U.N. becomes a hipster coffee shop, and global issues are discussed over avocado toast.. Fact: H.E. Stassen also believed he could win the lottery if he bought enough tickets. Spoiler alert: he didn’t..
• Headline: East Germany Embraces Bolshevism in 1950. Impact: The East German Party’s acceptance of Bolshevism led to a chain reaction where every subsequent political party had to either embrace or mock it. This eventually resulted in the rise of ironic hipster political parties.. Fact: Ever wonder if East Germans had a secret handbook on how to not smile? Well, turns out, they did, and it was 10 volumes long!.
• Headline: Goodyear Raises Tire Prices. Impact: Goodyear raising tire prices created a butterfly effect where people started walking more, leading to the invention of the fashionable, yet impractical, 'business casual' sneaker.. Fact: Fun fact: Goodyear was originally known for its delicious tire-flavored donuts. Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be a great marketing ploy?.
• Headline: Murphy Dismisses Pope Jr. As Honorary Police Deputy; Shield Revoked as Sequel to Impellitteri's Charge of Link to Costello MURPHY DISMISSES POPE JR. AS HIS AIDE Statements Never Made, Says He Not the American Way". Impact: Murphy’s dismissal of Pope Jr. as an honorary police deputy led to a massive decline in honorary positions, resulting in the world’s first honorary deputy cat. Everyone loved it.. Fact: Apparently, Pope Jr. was only appointed because he could recite the entire 'Godfather' script. Good luck to him in his future career in Hollywood!.
• Headline: 12 TREATY NATIONS MAY POOL SECRETS; Consolidation of Atlantic Pact Groupings Envisioned to Aid Work of Supreme Chief Certain Outcome 'Centralized Commond'. Impact: The pooling of secrets by treaty nations led to the world's first 'Top Secret' cookbook, which was never actually released due to its 'spicy' contents.. Fact: The term 'pooling secrets' was nearly replaced by 'sharing is caring', but thankfully, that was deemed too sappy for political discourse..
• Headline: ALBERT S. GOSS, 68 DIES AFTER SPEECH; Grange Leader Stricken With Heart Attack on Conclusion of Address at Forum Here. Impact: Albert S. Goss’s heart attack post-speech led to a new trend of speakers who now carry defibrillators with them, just in case their speeches are too electrifying.. Fact: Goss was known for his riveting speeches on the importance of broccoli. Who knew it could be that exciting or deadly?.
• Headline: High School Player Dies. Impact: Donald Rabuck's untimely death on the field led to a national day of remembrance for high school athletes, where everyone wears their jerseys backward. It’s a thing now.. Fact: They say if you say Donald Rabuck’s name three times in front of a mirror, a high school coach appears to give you an inspirational talk. True story… or is it?.