OCTOBER 13, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Trustee Appointed for Citizens Badge Group. Impact: The appointment of A D Cole led to the formation of the 'Trustee's Club', which, unbeknownst to everyone at the time, secretly influenced the fashion choices of trustees everywhere, resulting in a global trend of excessively colorful ties in the 1980s.. Fact: Did you know that being a trustee is just another way of saying 'I pretend to care while I actually just enjoy the free coffee'?.
• Headline: Old Disease: A New Threat Emerges. Impact: Dr. W Bolton’s discovery of a rival to the common cold sparked a series of competitions among viruses, leading to a dramatic increase in viral creativity, and ultimately to the invention of the 'creative cold' that inspired many artists in the 1970s.. Fact: Fun fact: The common cold has been winning the 'Most Ubiquitous Disease' award for decades. Talk about a long-standing champion!.
• Headline: Moscow's Calm Amid Korean Tensions. Impact: The peaceful atmosphere in Moscow led to what historians now call the 'Calm Before the Storm' era, where everyone mistakenly thought peace was just around the corner, leading to an awkward silence in diplomatic circles that lasted for years.. Fact: Did you know that 'no scare buying' actually means 'we're too busy being scared to buy anything'? Classic Soviet irony!.
• Headline: BARBER SHOPS WIN; Appeals Court Rules Ordinance on Hours Unconstitutional. Impact: The victory for barber shops inspired a nationwide trend of pampered hairstyles, causing a brief renaissance in hair gel sales that would ultimately lead to the regrettable mullet craze of the late 70s.. Fact: Did you know that the average barber shop now has more rules than a chess tournament? Good luck getting an appointment!.
• Headline: Britain and Yemen in Accord. Impact: The agreement between Britain and Yemen inadvertently set the stage for a future reality show titled 'Border Disputes: The Ultimate Face-off', which would go on to become a cult classic.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'accord' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's pretend to agree while we secretly plot our next move'?.
• Headline: AUSTRALIA RAISES DEFENSE FUND 50%; 1950-51 Budget Estimate Is $186,750,000--Levies Set to Fight Inflation. Impact: Australia's defense fund increase led to a national obsession with defense-themed parties, where everyone dressed up as their favorite military vehicle and the vegemite sandwiches were served in camouflage.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than defense budgets is the egos of those who propose them?.
• Headline: MISSOURI IN ACTION; A PLANE CRASH AND RESCUE IN KOREAN WATERS. Impact: The plane crash in Korean waters led to an unexpected surge in interest for aviation safety courses, resulting in an entire generation of people who were really good at crash landings but terrible at take-off.. Fact: Did you know that plane crashes are the only time when 'going down' is not considered a good thing?.
• Headline: Jersey Bus Strike Ends. Impact: The end of the Jersey bus strike led to a dramatic increase in public transportation use, which ironically caused a spike in traffic jams as everyone rushed to get on the bus they had just fought to keep.. Fact: Did you know that a bus strike is just public transportation's way of saying, 'We need a vacation too!'?.
• Headline: Iceland to Shut Legation. Impact: Iceland's closure of its legation sparked a series of diplomatic misunderstandings that resulted in a decade-long 'Cold War' between Iceland and a particularly irritable penguin ambassador from Antarctica.. Fact: Did you know that closing a legation is basically the diplomatic version of ghosting someone?.
• Headline: India Arrests 336 as Reds. Impact: The arrest of 336 alleged Communists led to an underground movement of secret coffee shops where revolutionary ideas were brewed along with the coffee, eventually inspiring the hipster movement of the 2000s.. Fact: Did you know that being labeled a 'Red' is just a fashionable way of being told you need to tone down your political enthusiasm?.