SEPTEMBER 14, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Troop Tonsure Controversy in Prague. Impact: The troop tonsure incident led to a secret society of soldiers who believed head shaving was the key to unlocking their hidden psychic powers. This power was so strong that it eventually influenced hairstyles in the 1980s, leading to the infamous mullet. Fact: In some ancient cultures, head shaving was believed to ward off evil spirits—good luck with that, troops!.
• Headline: Howard M. Simonson's Notable Contribution. Impact: Howard M. Simonson's name being in the news caused a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil which led to the invention of a revolutionary new office chair. Thus, the modern work-from-home culture was born. Fact: Howard M. Simonson once tried to trademark the concept of a name—unsuccessfully, of course.
• Headline: MUST FACE SPY INQUIRY; Radar Expert's Wife Ordered to Appear Before Grand Jury. Impact: The spy inquiry led to a series of unfortunate events resulting in the rise of espionage-themed reality shows, which, ironically, revealed more about the viewers’ lives than any spy's secrets. Fact: Mrs. Sobell's appearance before a grand jury was so dramatic that it inspired a bestselling soap opera titled 'As the Court Turns.'.
• Headline: FRANK BARTHA SR.. Impact: Frank Bartha Sr.'s mention in the news sparked a family feud over who would inherit the title of 'The Most Forgettable Name in History.' It’s still being contested, but the Bartha family has made some great reality TV out of it. Fact: Frank Sr. once tried to run for local office but lost to a cat named Whiskers—talk about a purr-fect candidate!.
• Headline: LARGE APPLE CROP FOR NEW ENGLAND; 46% Above 10-Year Average, but 1% Below 1949 Florida Sees Biggest Citrus Year Record Citrus Crop Predicted. Impact: New England's apple crop boom led to an annual festival that accidentally turned into an apple pie-eating contest that lasted for weeks. It is rumored that one contestant is still in a sugar coma. Fact: In 1949, Florida's citrus year was so big it caused a nationwide orange shortage—no one could find a decent mimosa for months!.
• Headline: Wider Powers for F.B.I. Voted. Impact: Wider powers for the FBI inadvertently led to a rise in 'FBI-themed' parties where people dressed like agents and played games of 'arrest the suspect'—a hit until someone accidentally called the real FBI. Fact: The bill was originally titled 'The Let's Give the FBI More Powers Because Why Not?' but was deemed too long for the ballot.
• Headline: SPENDER PRESSES PACIFIC PACT PLAN; Australian Seeks an Alliance Similar to Atlantic Accord, With U.S. as Key Member. Impact: Spender's push for a Pacific pact led to an intense rivalry between Australia and New Zealand over who could throw the best BBQ, resulting in the Great Sausage War of 1951—a conflict that still simmers. Fact: Spender once proposed a BBQ treaty with the U.S. but lost the paperwork in a sauce spill.
• Headline: KOREA DELEGATES NAMED; Foreign Minister Limb, Others Coming to the U.N. Assembly. Impact: The appointment of Korea delegates was the catalyst for a traveling cultural exchange program that accidentally resulted in the first K-Pop group being formed in the 1960s—thank you, diplomacy!. Fact: Yoon Chi Yung was known for his excellent karaoke skills, which later inspired his colleagues to start a secret karaoke club at the UN.
• Headline: U.S. Lends Sugar to Cuba. Impact: The U.S. lending sugar to Cuba inadvertently triggered a culinary revolution, causing the invention of the mojito and leading to an ongoing obsession with rum drinks that still haunts beach resorts today. Fact: The 25,000 tons of sugar was enough to sweeten every bitter political debate for a decade—if only they had thought of that sooner!.