JULY 18, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Civilian Officials Discuss Waterfront Security. Impact: The longshoremen's offer to guard against sabotage ultimately led to a secret society of dockworkers forming, which later became the foundation for the world's first underwater basket-weaving classes. This inexplicable shift in focus forever altered the course of craft hobbies in America.. Fact: The ILA’s waterfront guard was so effective that they accidentally became the first line of defense against a rogue wave that threatened to take out the entire dock. Who knew longshoremen were also oceanographers?.
• Headline: Truman's Plans Unveiled After White House Talks. Impact: Truman's plans set off a chain reaction of political maneuvering that eventually led to the invention of the 'political consultant'—a species known for their ability to spin any statement into gold while simultaneously dodging accountability.. Fact: If you think political parley sounds serious, just wait until you hear about the one where they debated whether or not to include snacks!.
• Headline: Senate Restores $16.5 Million Funding. Impact: Restoring the funds to the Point 4 Bill created a funding loophole that led to an unexpected boom in international bake sales, forever changing the way nations fund their humanitarian efforts one cookie at a time.. Fact: This funding was so controversial that it inspired a new genre of political drama: 'Senators Gone Wild,' featuring shocking twists and outrageous bake-off challenges..
• Headline: Excerpts from Text of Majority Report on Charges by Senator McCarthy; ISSUES REPORT Tydings Group Seeks Hoover-Type Commission to Investigate Reds Recommendations. Impact: McCarthy's charges sparked the creation of the 'Red Scare Bingo' game, where players earn points for every time someone is accused of being a communist, leading to a national pastime that might explain some of our current political discourse.. Fact: Senator McCarthy's name is so synonymous with accusations that even in a game of charades, people would just yell 'communist!' instead of acting it out..
• Headline: Summary by Senator Lodge on Minority's Report on Communism. Impact: Lodge's summaries led to the founding of a secret society for senators who just wanted to be heard. Ironically, they ended up being the most listened-to group despite their complete lack of influence.. Fact: Many believe that Senator Lodge's summary is the reason we have the phrase 'talking in circles'—his speeches could literally go around the world without making a point..
• Headline: G.I. DIVIDEND BILL PASSED; House Votes to Permit Applying Payments to Premiums. Impact: The G.I. Dividend Bill's passage led to the first-ever ‘How to Spend Your Dividend Wisely’ seminar series, which ironically taught veterans to invest in things like Beanie Babies and pet rocks.. Fact: The House vote was so close that some representatives considered a tie-breaker involving a rock-paper-scissors championship..
• Headline: British Suspect Sabotage. Impact: The British suspicion of sabotage resulted in a nationwide trend of checking under the bed for spies, leading to an alarming increase in mattress sales and a sharp decline in sleep quality.. Fact: If you think the British are paranoid now, just wait until you see their 1950s version of 'Big Brother'—it starred a suspicious teapot..
• Headline: U.N. AIDES KILLED IN INDIA AIR CRASH; Chief of Military Observers Unit in Kashmir, Five Americans Are Among 22 Dead Lie, Austin Express Regrets. Impact: The tragic air crash in India led to a new United Nations policy: no flying without a proper tea party beforehand. This policy is still observed, albeit informally, at most international summits.. Fact: The Chief of Military Observers was known for his ability to defuse tensions with a well-timed joke—too bad he was in the wrong place at the wrong time..
• Headline: DEWEY APPOINTS 14 FOR SCHOOL SURVEY; Moore Designated Head of New Committee to Continue Emergency Studies. Impact: Dewey's school survey committee was the inception point for the 'School Survey Olympics,' where educators competed to see who could gather the most data while also avoiding any substantive change.. Fact: The head of the new committee, Controller Moore, was so effective that he was later hired to organize the most thrilling game of dodgeball ever played in a boardroom..
• Headline: HOARDING IS FOUND IN SOME FOOD ITEMS; Sugar Leads 'Scare' Buying Despite Glut--'Hysteria' Is Decried by Merchants HOARDING IS FOUND IN SOME FOOD ITEMS Coffee Somewhat Scarce Consumer Group Ask Action Reports From Chain Stores. Impact: The food hoarding panic sparked a nationwide trend of conspiracy theories, including one that suggested that if you hoarded enough sugar, you could power a small city—spoiler alert: you can't.. Fact: Merchants decried the hysteria, but secretly, many were just upset they couldn't capitalize on the chaos with a new line of 'panic snacks.'.