JUNE 30, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senate Opposition to Pike's A.E.C. Nomination. Impact: The 5-4 Senate opposition to Pike led to a series of future Senate confirmations where candidates learned to bring snacks to hearings, ensuring that at least one senator would be too busy munching to ask the tough questions.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed' was actually coined during Senate hearings? True story..
• Headline: Marshal Blamey Suffers Heart Attack. Impact: Blamey’s coma sparked a nationwide campaign for heart health awareness, which inadvertently led to the invention of the heart-shaped pizza. Thanks, Marshal!. Fact: Heart attacks are like bad movie sequels—no one wants them, but they keep happening anyway..
• Headline: Malta's Spectacular 2d Fireworks Show. Impact: The fireworks blast in Malta inspired an underground movement that eventually led to the annual 'Sounds Like a Warzone' festival, where fireworks are set off in random neighborhoods—much to the dismay of local pets.. Fact: Fireworks were originally invented to scare away evil spirits. Now they just scare away sleep..
• Headline: GRAND JURY CITES ANOTHER GAMBLER; Kelley, Called 'Not Quite as Big' as Erickson, Arrested on 30-Count Information. Impact: Kelley’s indictment sent shockwaves through the underground gambling world, causing a massive increase in the popularity of bingo among old ladies who were suddenly convinced they could make a fortune.. Fact: Bingo was originally played with actual bingo cards, not the modern-day version where you just yell 'bingo' and hope no one else has it..
• Headline: WOODRUFF AT PINE CAMP; First Army General Inspects Guard and Reserve Units. Impact: Woodruff’s inspection of the troops led to a chain reaction where future generals would insist on inspecting units in increasingly outrageous outfits, culminating in a general showing up in a full pirate costume.. Fact: Military inspections have a long history, but they often involve less rum and more paperwork than you'd expect..
• Headline: HUNGARIAN EDITOR BARRED; Lojos Marschalko Called Nazi Aide by Immigration Unit. Impact: Marschalko's barring led to an increase in covert operations where former Nazis tried to disguise themselves as hipsters in Brooklyn, completely failing the 'no swastikas' dress code.. Fact: Did you know that the hipster movement has roots in post-war Europe? Yeah, it’s a lot less cool when you think of it that way..
• Headline: French in Indo-China Get Eight U.S. Planes. Impact: The U.S. planes sent to the French in Indo-China became a critical part of a bizarre future where planes were used as carriers for fast food, leading to the first airborne McDonald's.. Fact: Did you know that the C-47 was originally designed as a troop transport? Now it’s just carrying fries and regret..
• Headline: FORD OUSTS 13 IN STRIKE; Ex-Union Official Among Those Discharged at Canton. Impact: Ford's mass ousting of workers resulted in a new workplace trend of 'surprise firings', which eventually led to the invention of the 'Unemployment Escape Room'—a dark twist on team-building exercises.. Fact: The only thing worse than being fired is being fired and then forced to play trust falls with your former coworkers. Fun times!.
• Headline: U.S. 'NOT AT WAR,' PRESIDENT ASSERTS; Truman Allows Quotation-- Calls Operation Police Action for U.N. on 'Bandits'. Impact: Truman's insistence that the U.S. was 'not at war' led to endless debates over semantics, ultimately giving rise to the phrase 'We’re just on a really long vacation' as a euphemism for military conflicts.. Fact: The term 'police action' was coined to make war sound less scary. Spoiler alert: it didn't work..