JUNE 22, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Franco's Control Evident in Bilbao Visit. Impact: Franco's show of strength here inspired future dictators to adopt the 'fake it till you make it' approach. Now, every time a strongman tries to project power, somewhere in a bunker, Franco is nodding in approval.. Fact: Did you know that applause from hostile crowds is considered a sign of true charisma? Maybe I should try it at my next awkward family gathering..
• Headline: G.M. Plant in Denmark Reopens. Impact: The resumption of this plant not only marked the revival of the automotive industry in Denmark but also inadvertently kickstarted a global obsession with car culture that led to the invention of the traffic jam. Thanks, GM!. Fact: Did you know that the first car ever driven was actually a horse-drawn carriage with an identity crisis? No wonder they went electric!.
• Headline: Article 2 -- No Title; Volume at Market in Chicago Confined to Smaller Outlets --Fall Outlook Favorable FURNITURE ORDERS BY BIG STORES LAG. Impact: This event foreshadowed the future of retail, where big stores would continue to lag behind smaller outlets, leading to the rise of hipster shops selling artisanal mustache wax. Thank you, corporate giants!. Fact: Fun fact: If you stack all the unsold furniture from big stores, you could build a fort large enough to host a reality show called 'Survivor: Retail Apocalypse.'.
• Headline: FRENCH SEEK END OF STATE OF WAR; Want Each of Western Powers to Declare That the German Conflict Was Over in '45 British Consider Steps West Germans Welcome Move East Germans Get New Rights. Impact: The push to end the state of war led to numerous diplomatic discussions that eventually resulted in everyone forgetting who actually started the conflict. Spoiler alert: it's always the guy with the mustache.. Fact: Did you know that the best way to end a war is to just agree that it never happened? It's like trying to convince your friends that last weekend's karaoke night was just a bad dream..
• Headline: CONFEREES AGREE TO RAISE AIR FORCE TO SEVENTY GROUPS; Senate, House Members Set Size Long Sought by Experts as the Minimum for Safety BILL AUTHORIZES FIGURE Actual Expansion, Not Likely Soon, Would Depend on Fund Appropriated by Congress Groups Vary in Composition 70-GROUP AIR FORCE SET IN CONFERENCE. Impact: The decision to expand the Air Force laid the groundwork for a future where air traffic is so congested that drones are now delivering pizza instead of fighter jets. The skies are no longer safe for your cheese and pepperoni!. Fact: Did you know that the original idea for an air force was just to have a really big, really angry bird? No wonder they went with jets instead!.
• Headline: 10 Indonesian Bandits Slain. Impact: The deaths of these bandits inadvertently led to the rise of a new generation of bandits who learned that attacking army posts is a no-go. They decided to take more subtle approaches, like starting a protest group.. Fact: Did you know that in Indonesia, 'bandit' is just a polite way of saying 'freelance entrepreneur'? Talk about a branding issue!.
• Headline: BELGIAN WRITER DIVORCED; Wife Wins a Reno Decree From Georges Simenon of New York Special to THE NEW YORK TIMES.. Impact: This divorce sent shockwaves through the literary world, inspiring countless bad romance novels where the plot twist is always 'and then they got divorced.' Because nothing says 'romantic' like a legal separation.. Fact: Fun fact: Georges Simenon's life inspired a series of novels where the protagonist was always getting into trouble… probably because he was too busy writing about his own divorce!.
• Headline: THREE OXYGEN TENTS FOR POLICE DEPARTMENT. Impact: The donation of oxygen tents led to a future where breathing became a competitive sport. Just imagine the Olympics with events like 'Fastest to Inflate a Tent!'. Fact: Did you know that oxygen tents were once thought to be the solution to all of life's problems? Just ask any kid who's ever pretended to be an astronaut!.