JUNE 17, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bridges' Citizenship Stripped Over Perjury. Impact: Bridges losing his citizenship sparked a chain reaction that led to the creation of a 'How Not to Perjure Yourself' handbook, which ironically became a bestseller among politicians.. Fact: Did you know that losing your citizenship is less painful than losing your dignity? But hey, at least he didn’t have to worry about jury duty anymore..
• Headline: Dewey's Political Future Unveiled. Impact: Dewey's political musings led to the invention of the 'Dewey Decimal System of Political Decisions,' where every indecisive moment is categorized and filed away for future generations to laugh at.. Fact: Did you know that Dewey was so indecisive, he once took three hours to decide whether to order coffee or tea?.
• Headline: Rubber Paving Tests Begin in NYC. Impact: The rubber testing led to the eventual mass production of rubber duckies, which played a key role in calming children during bath time, thus saving countless parents from meltdowns.. Fact: Did you know that rubber was once considered a miracle material until it became overly attached to kids' bath toys? Talk about a slippery slope!.
• Headline: Article 2 -- No Title; JURY IN BINGHAMTON INDICTS POLICE CHIEF. Impact: The indictment of the Binghamton Police Chief led to a nationwide trend of 'Cops and Robbers' games being played with alarming realism, causing a spike in children's imaginations and a decline in actual policing.. Fact: Did you know that in some parts of the country, kids still play 'cops and robbers'? Spoiler alert: the robbers almost always win these days..
• Headline: U.S. NOTE COUNTERS SOVIET ON TRIESTE; Washington, Joined by London and Paris, Rejects Charges Italian Pact Is Violated. Impact: The U.S. note to the USSR turned into a diplomatic ping-pong match, with both sides vying for the title of 'Most Dramatic Eye Roll' during Cold War negotiations.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing colder than the Cold War was the temperature in the negotiations rooms? Seriously, bring a sweater..
• Headline: AIR COACH FARE EXTENDED; C.A.B. Permits Lines to Reduce Rates Until Next Sept. 30. Impact: The extension of airline fares allowed people to travel more, which inevitably led to the invention of the 'Airplane Snack Olympics', where passengers compete for the most creative ways to open tiny snack packets.. Fact: Did you know that airline food is actually a gourmet experience if you close your eyes and imagine it’s anything but airplane food? Bon appétit!.
• Headline: WARNING ON SKIN CANCER; Sun Especially Dangerous for the Blue-Eyed, Doctor Says. Impact: The warning about skin cancer for blue-eyed individuals led to a secret society of brown-eyed people who celebrate their 'safety' with sunbathing parties, completely oblivious to the irony.. Fact: Did you know that skin cancer is like a game of hide and seek? It’s just better to avoid the sun altogether, unless you enjoy playing tag with dermatologists..
• Headline: Argentine Commander Greeted. Impact: The greeting of the Argentine Commander led to a bizarre tradition where every new official visit is met with a random dance-off, completely baffling diplomats worldwide.. Fact: Did you know that political leaders have secretly been practicing their dance moves behind closed doors? Because nothing says diplomacy like the Macarena!.