APRIL 17, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Youth Musicale Celebrates Talented Performers. Impact: Little did they know that honoring Prince would lead to the creation of a secret society of musicians who only communicate through interpretive dance, eventually resulting in the world's first 'silent disco' in the 1980s.. Fact: The Music Lovers League sounds like the kind of group that would hold meetings in a basement with too many acoustic guitars and not enough social skills..
• Headline: Halsey Urges Truth in Cold War Era. Impact: Halsey's call for truth during the Cold War sparked an underground movement that led to the invention of the 'Truth Bomb'—a metaphorical weapon that exploded in the minds of those who believed everything they read on the internet.. Fact: The press has always had a unique way of honoring the dead; you know you've made it when your name is mentioned alongside 'heroic' and 'dead' in the same sentence..
• Headline: Oneness with God Address by Rev Dr Scherer. Impact: Rev. Dr. Scherer’s sermon on oneness with God actually inspired an international movement that led to a global shortage of yoga mats and incense. Thanks, Paul.. Fact: Oneness with God is great and all, but if you can’t find your keys, you might want to focus on earthly matters first..
• Headline: PRICES TO FARMERS RAISED BY PERON; Looking to E.C.A.'s End, He Calls for 25% More Acreage in Wheat, 50% More in Corn Peron Writes Off E.C.A. E.R.P. Not Understood Remorino Off to Germany. Impact: Peron's decision to raise prices for farmers inadvertently led to the creation of a secret cabal of corn smugglers that would later dominate the black market for popcorn at movie theaters.. Fact: When it comes to food production, nothing says 'I care' like demanding 50% more corn while looking forward to the end of aid. Talk about mixed messages!.
• Headline: FOUR 'ARISTO ARTISTS' HEARD AT TOWN HALL. Impact: The performance of the 'Aristo Artists' became legendary, leading to a bizarre cult of aristocrats who believe that art can only be appreciated in top hats and monocles.. Fact: Aristo Artists: because who doesn't want to pay extra for art that comes with a side of pretentiousness?.
• Headline: DR. KIRK WILL HOLD 2 COLUMBIA POSTS; ADDS NEW DUTIES. Impact: Dr. Kirk's new duties led to an unforeseen administrative nightmare where the policy changes resulted in a game of musical chairs that lasted years and cost the university several coffee machines.. Fact: Columbia University has a long history of policy changes, but none as impactful as when they decided to separate posts—because who doesn’t love an unnecessary bureaucratic shuffle?.
• Headline: Census-Taker Risks Life To Save Records at Fire. Impact: The census-taker saving records during a fire led to a nationwide initiative on preserving paperwork, which eventually resulted in the invention of fireproof filing cabinets—because nothing says 'I care about records' like being prepared for the apocalypse.. Fact: Risking life to save records sounds noble until you realize those records probably included a lot of lists no one cares about, like the number of cats owned in your neighborhood..
• Headline: Big Ten Bars 'Live' Television Of Its Football Games This Year; 'LIVE' TELEVISION BARRED BY BIG 10 $5,000 For Each Game. Impact: The Big Ten's decision to bar live television led to a series of underground football parties, ultimately resulting in a new era of 'fantasy football' where people could pretend they understood the game without ever watching it.. Fact: Banning live television is like throwing a surprise party for a group that hates surprises; the only thing they really wanted was to watch their favorite teams lose live..
• Headline: Spain Fines Black Marketeers. Impact: Spain's fines on black marketeers ultimately sparked a new trend in underground economy classes, where aspiring entrepreneurs learned how to break the law with style and flair.. Fact: Fining black marketeers is a classic move; it’s like telling kids not to eat cookies while you’re shoving them down your own throat..