MARCH 15, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Major Tax Evasion Indictments of 1950. Impact: The tax evasion case sparked a nationwide paranoia about taxes, leading to a trend of citizens hiding their money in increasingly ridiculous places. By 2025, people were burying their cash in their backyards, convinced the IRS had a telepathic connection to their bank accounts. Fact: Did you know that tax evasion is so popular, it's practically an Olympic sport? Just ask the IRS!.
• Headline: U.N. Mediator Appointment for Kashmir Conflict. Impact: The U.N.'s decision to appoint a mediator for Kashmir created a butterfly effect that resulted in every country trying to mediate something—eventually leading to a global competition for the title of 'Best Mediator' in 2035. Spoiler alert: it was a tie between a cat and a rubber chicken. Fact: Fun fact: The U.N. has had so many mediators that they should consider starting a 'Mediators Anonymous' group.
• Headline: Non-Ferrous Metals Price Shift. Impact: The rise in tin and zinc prices led to a bizarre fashion trend in the 1970s where people wore tin foil hats and zinc-coated outfits, believing it protected them from alien mind control. The trend faded only after a series of unfortunate fashion shows. Fact: Did you know that tin foil hats are a great way to keep your brain waves from being intercepted? Or so the conspiracy theorists say!.
• Headline: ATTLEE BACKS STRACHEY; THE NEW BRITISH SECRETARY OF STATE FOR WAR. Impact: Attlee's backing of Strachey led to a secret society of British War Ministers who believed they could control the fate of the nation through dramatic speeches. This eventually gave rise to the modern-day British political drama series—because what better way to resolve conflicts than through scripted dialogue?. Fact: Fun fact: Attlee once tried to introduce a new flavor of ice cream called 'War Minister', but it was deemed too controversial.
• Headline: SENATORS DEBATE NEW HOUSING BILL; Sparkman at Bankers' Parley Urges 'Middle Income' Group Plan Up in Congress Today CAIN SEES INFLATION SPUR Finds Measure Unnecessary and Stage Set for Pressure for Special Privilege Cites Congress Doubts SENATORS DEBATE NEW HOUSING BILL. Impact: The housing bill debate ignited a national obsession with real estate that culminated in 2030 when people began building houses in trees, convinced they were the next big trend in eco-living. Spoiler: they weren't. Fact: Did you know that Congress debates are the perfect place for senators to practice their stand-up routines? They get laughs, but mostly from themselves.
• Headline: FERRIES BUILDING ON STATEN ISLAND; WORKING ON THE FIRST OF THREE NEW FERRIES FOR THE CITY. Impact: The construction of new ferries on Staten Island led to a bizarre ferry race craze in the '80s, with citizens betting on which ferry would arrive first. This eventually led to the first-ever ferry-related reality show, 'Ferry Wars: The High Seas Showdown.'. Fact: Did you know that Staten Island is the only borough where people have such a strong attachment to ferries that they name their pets after them? True story!.
• Headline: LABOR RELATIONS TERMED CRITICAL; Collective Bargaining Seems to Have Collapsed in U.S. Writer Tells Teachers. Impact: The collapse of collective bargaining in the U.S. resulted in a nationwide strike of teachers who decided to teach students how to protest instead. By 2024, students were more adept at protest signs than calculus. Fact: Did you know that collective bargaining is just a fancy term for 'let's argue until someone gives up'?.
• Headline: State University Names Executive Medical Dean. Impact: Dr. Jacobsen's appointment as Executive Medical Dean triggered a chain reaction of appointments in universities across the nation, resulting in an entire generation of deans with wild nicknames. By 2030, 'Dr. J' was the most popular title for anyone in academia. Fact: Did you know that the title of 'Dean' was actually created to make it sound cooler than 'head of boring stuff'?.
• Headline: Clementis Out of Czech Post; Foreign Chief Had West Ties; Terse Communique States Vice Premier Siroky Is Named Successor Clementis Out as Foreign Minister; Prague Circles Cite Ties With West Part of Wider Move Successor to Masaryk. Impact: Clementis' removal from the Czech post set off a domino effect of political realignments in Eastern Europe, resulting in a decade-long game of musical chairs with government officials. Spoiler: no one won. Fact: Did you know that political positions in Eastern Europe were once so unstable that they considered hiring a circus juggler to maintain balance?.