FEBRUARY 25, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: New BA Programs at City College. Impact: The introduction of art and music degrees at City College led to a surge of 'starving artists' who, in a twist of fate, would eventually invent the modern concept of brunch—a meal no one truly needs but everyone pretends to enjoy. Fact: Did you know that the first 'art major' was just someone who really liked painting on walls? No degrees needed!.
• Headline: Filderman Scholarship for Philosophy Students. Impact: Thanks to the philosophy scholarship, the recipient went on to question the very essence of reality, leading to a chain reaction where coffee shops became the new debate halls—because nothing says 'deep thought' like overpriced lattes. Fact: Did you know that philosophy majors are the only group that can argue for hours about whether a sandwich is a meal or an existential crisis?.
• Headline: MRS. EDWARD F. O'CONNOR. Impact: Mrs. Edward F. O'Connor's headline marked the rise of the 'Mrs. Title' movement, leading to a world where women could finally be recognized for their contributions, as long as they were married. Progress, right?. Fact: Fun fact: Mrs. O'Connor's existence is proof that even in headlines, women have to share their identity with their husbands. Truly groundbreaking!.
• Headline: JOHN L. CREVELING. Impact: John L. Creveling's mention in the news led to a nationwide search for other names that sounded equally as important but were, in fact, just people who were really good at avoiding the spotlight. Fact: Did you know that a name like John L. Creveling is statistically more likely to be followed by someone saying, 'Who?' than a name like Beyoncé?.
• Headline: U.S., Ireland Raise Envoys' Status To Top Rank--Thanks to a Woman; U.S., Ireland Raise Envoys' Status To Top Rank--Thanks to a Woman Ireland Names Hearne. Impact: The elevation of envoys' status due to a woman’s influence birthed the modern diplomatic brunch, where important discussions are held between mimosas and awkward small talk. Truly groundbreaking diplomacy!. Fact: Did you know that in diplomacy, the actual discussions often occur after the brunch, when everyone is too tipsy to care about protocol?.
• Headline: U.S. Jet Explodes; British Officer Killed. Impact: The tragic explosion of the U.S. jet not only cost lives but also prompted the military to invest in better safety protocols, inadvertently leading to the creation of the 'Oops! We Blew It' department in aviation. Fact: It’s a harsh reality, but did you know that sometimes the best safety measures come from the worst accidents? Just like how we learned not to stick forks in toasters!.
• Headline: MRS. JOHN P. HERMANS. Impact: Mrs. John P. Hermans’ headline serves as a reminder that even in her 96th year, her legacy is still tied to her husband's name, perpetuating the idea that behind every great man is a woman whose identity is hidden in the shadows. Fact: Fun fact: If you think 'Mrs.' sounds outdated, just remember it's still more progressive than 'property of.'.
• Headline: MARSHALL ATTACKS POLITICS IN SCHOOLS; Senior Board Member, 15 Years on Job, Says Leaders Are Using Influence Again Stresses Teacher Morale Against "Yes" to All Demands. Impact: Marshall’s warnings against political influences in schools led to a series of debates that would ultimately culminate in the creation of the 'Throw Your Teacher Under the Bus' game—a favorite among students everywhere. Fact: Did you know that school politics is just like real politics, but with more crayons and fewer consequences? Welcome to the world of juvenile diplomacy!.
• Headline: WHAT IS A SUBSIDY?. Impact: Sen. Sparkman's exploration of 'What is a subsidy?' opened a Pandora's box of confusion, leading to a generation of college students who would spend years debating free stuff without ever realizing they needed to pay rent. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than a subsidy is trying to explain it to someone who skipped economics class? Welcome to adulthood!.