FEBRUARY 15, 1950

Full News Archive

• Headline: Allied Stores Leadership Restructured. Impact: The elevation of officers at Allied Stores sparked a secret society within the retail world, where elevated officers would meet to discuss which aisle was the best for hiding from customers. This ultimately led to the creation of the 'Customer Service Ninja' training program.. Fact: Did you know that being elevated in retail doesn't mean you get a throne? Just a slightly better view of the checkout line..
• Headline: LILIENTHAL PRAISES PRESIDENT ON ATOM; IN ATOMIC ENERGY COMMISSION SHIFT. Impact: Lilienthal's praise for President Truman led to an unexpected surge in atomic-themed merchandise, including 'Truman Atom Bomb' t-shirts, which are now considered vintage collector's items in obscure shops.. Fact: Did you know that naming a vice chair after a chair is just as confusing as naming your pet after your ex? Poor Pike..
• Headline: X-Ray Expert Will Head Scientists' Association. Impact: The formation of the new scientists' association under Dr. Fankuchen led to an unexpected rise in X-ray glasses sales, with many believing they could actually see through walls. Spoiler: they couldn't. But the marketing was spectacular.. Fact: Did you know that being an X-ray expert doesn't mean you can see through people's secrets? Just their bones..
• Headline: CLAY SAYS EUROPE NEEDS COOPERATION. Impact: Clay's insistence on European cooperation eventually resulted in an awkward family reunion, where countries awkwardly apologized for past wars while trying to agree on who would bring dessert to the next summit.. Fact: Did you know that cooperation is just a fancy way of saying 'let's all agree to disagree over dinner'?.
• Headline: C.I.O. ASK TAX RISE FOR HIGH INCOMES; House Hearing Urged to Lift Burden From Low Brackets --Excise Cuts Endorsed Priority" on Cuts Urged. Impact: The C.I.O.'s tax rise proposal led to the creation of a new job title: 'Tax Avoidance Specialist.' This job exploded in popularity, leading to an entire underground economy based on finding loopholes that would make even the most crooked accountant blush.. Fact: Did you know that tax rises are just the government’s way of saying, 'We need a new playground for our pet projects?'.