DECEMBER 17, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: British Buying Habits Amid Tax Increases. Impact: As British consumers maintained their spending habits, a butterfly flapped its wings in the economy, leading to a centuries-long debate about whether people would ever learn to save. Spoiler: They didn’t.. Fact: Did you know that the British love their tea so much that no amount of taxation could persuade them to cut back? It's like trying to take chocolate away from a toddler..
• Headline: Tribute to Dr. W. J. Bonisteel. Impact: Dr. Bonisteel's passing sparked a sudden shortage of botanists in academia, leading to a perplexing rise in houseplants going unwatered. Coincidentally, this also caused an increase in the popularity of succulents.. Fact: Did you know that Dr. Bonisteel was not only a botanist but also dabbled in teaching? Imagine a professor trying to explain photosynthesis while forgetting to water the classroom plants!.
• Headline: State Thrift or More Taxes Debate. Impact: The debate over state thrift versus taxes led to decades of political wrangling, resulting in the birth of countless think tanks. These think tanks eventually evolved into the 'Save Our Pennies' movement, which ironically cost taxpayers millions.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'state thrift' is just a fancy way of saying, 'let’s all pretend we know how to budget'?.
• Headline: PROTESTANTS GET UNITY AGREEMENT; Representatives of 20 Million Agree Times Require Sects to 'Make Common Cause' PROTESTANTS GET UNITY AGREEMENT. Impact: The unity agreement among Protestants inadvertently paved the way for the rise of interfaith coffee shops. Who knew that a common cause could lead to so many awkward conversations over lattes?. Fact: Did you know that this agreement was less about unity and more about avoiding those really uncomfortable family dinners?.
• Headline: FAKERS ON TELEPHONE ANNOYING THE PUBLIC. Impact: The rise of annoying phone scams led to the invention of the 'Do Not Disturb' feature on phones, which in turn allowed people to ignore their relatives more effectively. Thanks, spammers!. Fact: Did you know that 'Fakers on Telephone' was almost the title of a popular reality show? It turns out people preferred the real drama of their actual lives..
• Headline: DALRYMPLE PLANS A NEW PRODUCTION; She Is Negotiating for Rights to 'The First Gentleman,' Ginsbury British Play. Impact: Dalrymple's new production plans triggered an unexpected surge in British theater appreciation, leading to a nationwide obsession with Shakespeare—again. The Bard really does have a way of sticking around.. Fact: Did you know that 'The First Gentleman' was almost titled 'The First Gentleman to Get Lost in a British Accent'?.
• Headline: RICHARD MOSKIN. Impact: Richard Moskin's name in the headlines led to an obscure movement to name all future pets after him, resulting in a generation of cats and dogs named 'Richd.'. Fact: Did you know that naming pets after historical figures is a thing? So, if you ever meet a cat named 'Moskin,' now you know why..
• Headline: ' Touch of Florida Sun' Blamed for Tax Tangle. Impact: The tax tangle caused by the Florida sun led to a never-ending cycle of politicians blaming weather for their budget issues, which we still see today. Thanks, climate change!. Fact: Did you know that blaming the sun for taxes is the oldest trick in the book? Right up there with 'the dog ate my homework.'.
• Headline: HEAD OF U.S. STEEL DEFENDS PRICE RISE, WELCOMES INQUIRY; Fairless Promises to Produce 'Facts and Figures' to Justify the Increase of 4 Per Cent CONGRESS BODIES PREPARE Celler and O'Mahoney to Open Hearings Next Month -- Other Upward Revisions Coming HEAD OF U.S. STEEL DEFENDS PRICE RISE. Impact: U.S. Steel's price rise defense led to a long-term trend of companies justifying absurd price increases by citing 'market conditions.' This eventually culminated in the invention of the phrase, 'It's not you, it's inflation.'. Fact: Did you know that steel is often more expensive than gold? Just kidding! But wouldn’t that be an interesting twist in the market?.