SEPTEMBER 14, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Congressmen to Meet Franco in 1949. Impact: This meeting with Franco was the start of a long-standing tradition of U.S. Congressmen taking jollies in foreign countries while pretending to care about democracy. Spoiler alert: they didn't.. Fact: Fun fact: Franco was so popular that he once received a postcard from a tourist that simply read, 'Wish you were here!'.
• Headline: Bolivian Revolt Approaches Conclusion. Impact: The Bolivian revolt’s end meant that the people could finally return to their regularly scheduled programming of being oppressed by a new regime, thus proving once again that history loves a good rerun.. Fact: Did you know that revolts are often like bad reality shows? They seem exciting at first, but they usually just lead to disappointment and boredom?.
• Headline: RE.V. JAMES H. TELFORD. Impact: The passing of Rev. James H. Telford sparked an inexplicable rise in the popularity of obscure historical figures. Suddenly, everyone wanted to become a footnote in history, but only a select few succeeded.. Fact: Did you know that becoming a reverend is just one step away from being a full-time history trivia night champion?.
• Headline: PLAYS TO BE OFFERED FOR TOWNS OF 3,000. Impact: The decision to present plays in small towns sparked a cultural renaissance that led to the rise of local community theaters, where dreams went to die and every lead actor was also the director's cousin.. Fact: Did you know that small-town plays are the only place where bad acting still gets standing ovations? Because, you know, everyone knows the actors personally..
• Headline: CHINESE AVIATION LINE TO USE ISLAND BASE. Impact: The shift of Chinese aviation to an island base was the first step towards future air traffic jams that would make humans wish they had just stuck to walking. Who knew planes could cause such existential dread?. Fact: Did you know that moving an airline is easier than getting your cat to move from one spot to another? True story..
• Headline: Reds Held for Insulting Pope. Impact: The arrest of the Communist group for insulting the Pope led to a long and illustrious history of people getting in trouble for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, proving that freedom of speech has its limits, especially in Italy.. Fact: Did you know that insulting the Pope is like stepping on a landmine? You might think you're safe, but one wrong move and boom! You're in deep trouble..
• Headline: REVALUING TREND GROWS IN BRITAIN; Some Economists Think Pound Will Be Pegged at $3.20 -- Trade Gap Is Widened REVALUING TREND GROWS IN BRITAIN. Impact: The revaluation of the pound led to economists becoming the life of the party, as they debated the merits of currency over cocktails, inadvertently creating a new genre of boring social gatherings.. Fact: Did you know that 'revaluing' your currency is just a fancy way of saying 'we're trying to look important while we panic?'.
• Headline: FRED W. JONES. Impact: Fred W. Jones' passing led to a nationwide search for the meaning of life, as everyone suddenly became very concerned about their W. names and what they stood for.. Fact: Did you know that every 'W' in a name stands for 'wondering what I'm doing with my life?' It's a common struggle..