AUGUST 16, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Equity Studies Minor Groups Formed. Impact: The experimental groups from the Off-Broadway Theatre League inadvertently inspired a generation of avant-garde theatre, leading to a future where everyone thinks they can write a play. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: Did you know that just like avocado toast, experimental theatre is often more appreciated by critics than by the general public?.
• Headline: Kirk and Stalin's Historic Kremlin Meeting. Impact: Kirk and Stalin's brief chat sparked a secret society of awkward diplomats who would later form 'The 40-Minute Club,' dedicated to making small talk about the weather and the downsides of communism.. Fact: Did you know that 40 minutes is also the average time someone spends trying to find parking in D.C.?.
• Headline: Maryland Court Strikes Down Anti-Communism Law. Impact: When Maryland threw out the law against communism, it created a butterfly effect where many states followed suit, leading to a temporary surge in communist-themed bake sales across America. Who knew red velvet could be so controversial?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'communism' comes from the Latin 'communis', meaning 'common'? So, basically, they were just trying to share the cookies..
• Headline: BRITISH PREPARING TO DEFEND ECONOMY; Treasury Experts Marshaling Statistics to Be Used at Washington Dollar Talks. Impact: The British Treasury's preparation of statistics for talks in Washington led to a series of misunderstandings, resulting in the UK inadvertently becoming the world’s leading expert on pie charts, which still baffles historians today.. Fact: Did you know that pie charts are not actually edible, despite their name? This has left many hungry statisticians disappointed..
• Headline: Ship Eludes Chinese Blockade. Impact: The ship's elusion of the Chinese blockade led to a series of future events where people started using 'blockade' as a euphemism for any type of inconvenience, like waiting in line at the DMV.. Fact: Did you know that Shanghai residents would pay anything to escape, even if it meant taking a detour through the Bermuda Triangle?.
• Headline: RAMAPO BASKETRY MAY COME TO LIFE; Pioneer Trader Would Revive Mountaineer Craft, Fears Relief Killed Incentive. Impact: Reviving Ramapo basketry inadvertently set off a chain reaction of hipster craftsmanship movements, leading to the rise of artisanal basket weavers who charge $200 for what looks suspiciously like a laundry basket.. Fact: Did you know that every time someone buys an artisanal basket, a hipster gets their wings? Just kidding, they probably just get a new flannel shirt..
• Headline: Named to Executive Posts By Burroughs Wellcome. Impact: Burroughs Wellcome's executive appointments led to a future in which pharmaceutical companies became as powerful as small countries, making board meetings feel like international summits.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of pharmaceuticals, 'executive' is often just code for 'person who can afford the most expensive coffee'?.
• Headline: Air-Sea Rescue Off Ireland Saves 49 of 58 on Airliner; AFTER AIRLINER MADE A FORCED LANDING OFF IRELAND 49 SAFE, 9 ARE LOST FROM PLANE AT SEA. Impact: The air-sea rescue operation saved many lives but also resulted in an awkward public relations campaign: '49 out of 58 ain't bad!' which ultimately flopped when they tried to sell T-shirts.. Fact: Did you know that statistically speaking, you're more likely to survive a plane crash than to find your lost keys? Yet, somehow, we still panic more over the latter..
• Headline: JAPANESE TO GET ADDED AUTHORITY; Relaxing of Allied Supervision Announced -- U. S. Aim Held to Foster Self-Reliance. Impact: The relaxation of Allied supervision in Japan led to a surge in self-reliance that eventually resulted in Japan becoming a tech powerhouse, proving that sometimes less oversight really does lead to more innovation.. Fact: Did you know that Japan's self-reliance was so effective that even their vending machines became more advanced than most governments?.