AUGUST 4, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Steamer Used as Shield in Conflict. Impact: If this steamer had just stayed home that day, maybe it would have sparked a new trend in maritime safety: 'Don't Use Your Boat as a Shield!' Who knows, we might have ended up with a whole new genre of boating regulations.. Fact: Fun fact: The idea of using a steamer as a shield never caught on… just like my enthusiasm for team sports..
• Headline: Goldman Band Memory Contest Triumphs. Impact: This contest winner's prowess in music memory led to a worldwide obsession with spelling bee-style competitions, which ultimately resulted in the rise of several reality TV shows. Thank you, man with a great memory!. Fact: Did you know that spelling 'Beethoven' can actually cause brain freeze? Or was that just me?.
• Headline: US Arms Aid Bill Affecting Austria. Impact: This blank check idea paved the way for every future organization seeking funding with the phrase 'Trust us, we promise it’s for a good cause!' Let's hope they had better luck than Congress.. Fact: Fun fact: Blank checks are the preferred payment method for both arms deals and impulse buys at the grocery store..
• Headline: $115,000 JOB FRAUD LAID TO PIER GROUP; State Will Open Prosecution Today Against the First of 883 Longshoremen Here $115,000 JOB FRAUD LAID TO PIER GROUP. Impact: This scandal made the phrase 'longshoremen' synonymous with 'not-so-long on integrity,' leading to a sharp decline in pirate-themed costume parties across the nation.. Fact: Did you know that $115,000 can buy you a really nice yacht? Just saying, fraud might not be the best investment strategy..
• Headline: U. S. Seeks Hemisphere Step To Curb Caribbean Unrest; U. S. MOVES TO CURB CARIBBEAN UNREST. Impact: This 'hemisphere step' probably led to a lot of awkward beach conversations about politics, which is why we now have 'no politics at the dinner table' rules.. Fact: Did you know that the Caribbean is not just famous for its unrest, but also for its rum? Coincidence? I think not..
• Headline: 3D AVE. TRUSTEES STUDY ARBITRATION; Promise TWU Decision Today -- Say Bondholders Demand Lay-Offs, Pension End. Impact: This arbitration study set the stage for a lifetime of labor negotiations that can now be summarized as 'who can shout the loudest without actually solving anything.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than labor negotiations is assembling IKEA furniture? At least with IKEA, you get a cute bookshelf at the end..
• Headline: HARWOOD FLOORING; Shipments Total 357,439,0000 Board Feet in 6 Months. Impact: This monumental flooring shipment might have inspired the modern trend of 'wooden everything,' leading to countless hipster cafes with reclaimed wood furniture. Thanks, hardwood!. Fact: Fun fact: If you stacked all those board feet, you could build a staircase to your local coffee shop—if only it were that simple!.
• Headline: GOP ON CAUCUS EVE SPLIT ON CHAIRMAN; Gabrielson Forces Command Largest Bloc With Foes Still to Unite on Candidate. Impact: This split probably inspired future political candidates to focus more on unity… or at least to make better memes about their disagreements.. Fact: Did you know that political caucuses are like family reunions, but with fewer potato salads and more backstabbing?.
• Headline: MELISH CASE TO GO TO CHURCH SESSION; Committee for His Defense Plans Appeal to Episcopal General Convention. Impact: This church case probably opened the floodgates for every disgruntled pastor to think they could start their own reality show—'The Real Pastors of Brooklyn' could have been a hit!. Fact: Did you know that church disputes can last longer than some marriages? At least with marriage, you get cake..