AUGUST 2, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celebrating Mary J. Danahy's Impact. Impact: Mary J. Danahy's name, although seemingly insignificant, became a password for a secret society of historians who believed she held the key to understanding the mundane. Spoiler: she didn’t.. Fact: In the grand scheme of history, Mary J. Danahy is just as important as any other Mary, which is to say, not very important at all—sorry, Marys!.
• Headline: Egypt's Policy and Political Opposition. Impact: The opposition's charges against Premier Sirry Pasha created a ripple effect that led to an entire generation of politicians learning the art of dodging questions, which is now a global pastime.. Fact: Evading major problems in politics is like an Olympic sport—everyone pretends to take it seriously, but in the end, it's just a bunch of people dodging responsibilities..
• Headline: CHAIN STORES OFF 2% IN SALES DURING JUNE. Impact: The 2% drop in chain store sales during June sparked a nationwide movement of shoppers who decided to 'support local'—which, in turn, just meant more hipster coffee shops.. Fact: 2% might not sound like much, but in retail, that's the difference between a store going bankrupt and a store selling artisanal avocado toast..
• Headline: COAST OPERA AGREES TO LET FLAGSTAD SING. Impact: The agreement to let Flagstad sing led to a renaissance in opera, where suddenly everyone believed they could hit high notes, resulting in a series of unfortunate karaoke nights across the nation.. Fact: Opera is one of those things that sounds classy until you realize it's mostly just people yelling in different languages..
• Headline: SIR STANLEY HARRINGTONI. Impact: Sir Stanley Harrington's mere presence in the headlines inadvertently spurred the creation of countless conspiracy theories that he was a secret agent sent to monitor public sentiments.. Fact: Being named 'Sir' automatically makes you 50% more interesting, even if all you're doing is attending another dull meeting..
• Headline: MENTAL INSTABILITY MRS. BECK'S DEFENSE. Impact: Mrs. Beck's defense citing mental instability paved the way for legal defenses that would later be used by every teenager caught sneaking out after curfew.. Fact: The classic 'insanity defense' has roots that stretch back farther than you'd think—who knew rebellious adolescents were history's greatest lawyers?.
• Headline: HELD IN STABBING OF FOUR; Man Apparently Goes Berserk After a Family Quarrel. Impact: The stabbing incident initiated a series of community meetings that spiraled into a national debate on family quarrels—leading to the invention of family therapy, which has saved countless Thanksgiving dinners.. Fact: Family quarrels can lead to serious consequences, including injury and the awkward silence that follows when someone forgets to bring the mashed potatoes to dinner..
• Headline: CLARK ACCEPTS BID TO SUPREME COURT; Truman Also Reveals McGrath Takes Attorney Generalship -- Boyle to Get Party Post Clark Accepts Bid to High Court; McGrath to Be Attorney General. Impact: Clark’s acceptance of the Supreme Court bid set off a chain of events that led to the phrase 'I'll see you in court' becoming a common breakup line in relationships everywhere.. Fact: Supreme Court justices are basically the ultimate judges of what’s constitutional—so if you ever get in trouble, just pray you don’t end up in front of a justice who had a bad day..