JULY 19, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Truman's Arms Unity Proposal of 1949. Impact: Truman's reorganization plan inadvertently led to the creation of a secret society of defense contractors who would go on to influence every action taken in the name of national security. It’s said that they were the original ‘Boys in Blue’ – but with ties to more than just the military. Who knew arms unity could lead to a new arm of the government, right?. Fact: Did you know that every time Congress debates weapons funding, a little part of a historian dies from the sheer boredom of it all? It's true..
• Headline: Psychology Fellowships Awarded at Princeton. Impact: The awarding of these fellowships triggered a chain reaction that led to the famed 'Princeton Brain Drain' where all the best minds decided that academia was too mainstream and instead opted for TikTok fame. Thanks for nothing, psychology!. Fact: Fun fact: at least one of these fellows probably spent their grant money on avocado toast and existential crises..
• Headline: 10,000 ORCHIDS IN LEIS ARRIVE HERE BY PLANE. Impact: The arrival of 10,000 orchids marked the beginning of a floral arms race, where countries began stockpiling exotic plants instead of weapons. Today, we have a United Nations of Flowers, discussing peace one petal at a time.. Fact: Who knew that orchids could travel by plane? Next time you complain about a long flight, just remember: these delicate beauties are more well-traveled than you will ever be..
• Headline: BILLS SIGNED TO RAISE ILLINOIS JOBLESS AID. Impact: The increase in jobless aid led to a significant rise in the number of people who suddenly became 'professional couch potatoes.' This trend eventually inspired a new reality TV genre, which we now know and loathe as 'Extreme Napping.'. Fact: In Illinois, the only thing more inflated than the jobless aid is the cost of living. But hey, at least the couch industry is thriving!.
• Headline: Japanese Ex-Chief of 'Tokyo Rose' Links Her to What U. S. Calls 8 Acts of Treason. Impact: The testimony against 'Tokyo Rose' led to the birth of numerous conspiracy theories about radio waves influencing people's breakfast choices. To this day, some people believe that toast is secretly a government mind control tool.. Fact: If you think radio shows are dead, just remember that every time you hear a podcast ad for 'life coaching,' the spirit of 'Tokyo Rose' is still very much alive..
• Headline: N. Y. U. Appoints Professor. Impact: The appointment of Dr. Wubbels led to a wave of finance professors who all decided that they could teach students about money without ever having to manage their own. This caused an entire generation to graduate with a degree in debt.. Fact: Dr. Wubbels might have been great at finance, but can he explain why we still can't figure out how to open a bank account without feeling like we're solving a Rubik's Cube?.
• Headline: Dewey Criticizes Countries That Take Aid, Balk Unity; DEWEY CRITICIZES SOCIALIST NATIONS. Impact: Dewey's criticisms of countries taking aid sparked an international debate that led to the creation of the ‘Dewey Decimal System of Diplomacy,’ where countries are categorized not by their geography, but by how much they complain about aid.. Fact: Dewey's critiques might have been valid, but let’s face it: everyone secretly loves free stuff. I mean, who wouldn’t?.
• Headline: LONDON POLICE QUELL THREE-HOUR RACE RIOT. Impact: The London race riot became a catalyst for community bake sales, where the idea was that if you couldn’t beat them, you could at least feed them some delicious scones and hope for the best. Nothing says peace like carbs!. Fact: In the aftermath of the riot, police discovered that doughnuts were twice as effective in calming crowds than any amount of riot gear. Who knew the secret weapon was glazed?.