MAY 25, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cost of Commissaries Under Scrutiny. Impact: By deciding that commissaries should pay their own way, the House Armed Services Group inadvertently paved the way for future generations to experience the existential dread of grocery shopping—forever raising prices while pretending it's for our own good. Thanks for the inflation, guys!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'commissary' is derived from the Latin 'commissarius,' which roughly translates to 'person who makes your grocery bill terrifying'?.
• Headline: Brandeis University Celebrates Faculty Achievement. Impact: Lewisohn's book on Goethe might not have caused a literary revolution, but it did inspire future faculty members to think they could publish a book too. Spoiler alert: most of them couldn't.. Fact: Fun fact: Goethe's works are so complex that they might just be the reason why English majors have an unusually high rate of existential crises..
• Headline: Israel's Histadrut Leaves WFTU. Impact: Israel's departure from WFTU marked the beginning of a long trend of countries selectively picking and choosing their alliances like a toddler in a candy store—leading to a world full of diplomatic tantrums.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of international organizations, leaving one is just as dramatic as the last season of a soap opera? Pass the popcorn!.
• Headline: CATHOLICS WARNED NOT TO AID PRAGUE; Czech Archbishop Threatens Excommunication of Those Helping Communist Regime CATHOLICS WARNED NOT TO AID PRAGUE GIVES CHURCH WARNING. Impact: The Archbishop's warning against aiding the Prague government created a ripple effect of guilt among Catholics, making sure that 'excommunication' became the hot new trend in disciplinary measures. Who knew threats could be so effective?. Fact: Excommunication is like the ultimate 'you’re not invited to the party' move, except it comes with eternal consequences. Talk about a party foul!.
• Headline: NEW HELP MAPPED IN LOW-PAY CLASS; Budget Covering Such Groups Being Drafted by Welfare Council for Members. Impact: By planning to aid low-pay classes, the NYC Welfare Council set the wheels in motion for an ongoing saga of bureaucratic attempts to help the needy, often resulting in more paperwork than actual assistance. Bravo, welfare warriors!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'welfare' comes from the Old English 'weal,' meaning 'well-being'? A little irony there, given how often it misses the mark..
• Headline: U. S., BRITAIN STUDY POLICY IN MIDEAST; Two Powers Said to Consider Several Revisions to Offset Antagonism of Arabs. Impact: The U.S. and Britain considering policy changes in the Mideast likely led to an endless cycle of diplomatic discussions that achieved nothing, proving that two heads are not always better than one when it comes to resolving complex conflicts.. Fact: Fun fact: The Mideast has been a geopolitical puzzle for so long that it practically deserves its own reality show. 'Keeping Up with the Conflict' anyone?.
• Headline: DP'S ARE RESETTLED ALL THROUGH U. S.; Number Remaining in This City Drops to 25.8% as Campaign Gains Momentum Elsewhere DP'S RESETTLED ALL THROUGH U. S.. Impact: The resettlement of displaced persons across the U.S. became a trend that would influence immigration policies for decades to come, making sure that the American Dream was just as elusive as ever for many.. Fact: Did you know that the percentage drop in immigrants settling in NYC is just like a bad stock market? Always going down, with little hope for recovery!.
• Headline: New Rule on Fluorescent Tubes. Impact: Introducing rules on discarded fluorescent tubes sparked an environmental awakening so intense that it made future generations hyper-aware of every light source, leading to the birth of DIY recycling projects and a sudden interest in home decor.. Fact: Did you know that fluorescent tubes contain a small amount of mercury? Just another reason to be careful with your lighting choices, folks!.
• Headline: Freistadt to Lose Teaching Job. Impact: Freistadt losing his teaching job for disavowing communism set an example that would echo through academia, teaching future professors the fine art of self-censorship—because nothing says 'freedom of speech' like losing your job for your beliefs.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'disavow communism' has been used so frequently that it may as well be a secret handshake among politically cautious academics..
• Headline: HOUSE TO BE ASKED TO REJECT ECA CUT; Rayburn Will Make Personal Appeal -- Says Slash Weakens Acheson in Big-Four Talks. Impact: Rayburn's personal appeal to reject the ECA cut illustrated the never-ending struggle between budget cuts and the desire for political clout, ultimately leading to the realization that politicians would always prefer to fight over pennies than address real issues.. Fact: Did you know that budget cuts often lead to the same level of drama as a high school breakup? 'It's not you, it's the budget!'.