MAY 13, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Installation of Dr. R.B. Draughon. Impact: Dr. Draughon's installation at Auburn led to a series of events where every future Auburn graduate would be forever haunted by the lingering question: 'What would Dr. Draughon do?' In a bizarre twist of fate, this questioning inspired a wave of unnecessary debates on campus, resulting in the world's first 'Philosophy of Dr. Draughon' course. Fact: Did you know that Dr. Draughon once tried to patent a time machine made of cardboard? It didn’t work, but it did inspire a generation of engineering students to pursue 'less ridiculous' projects.
• Headline: Navy Tests Gallium 72 for Bone Cancer. Impact: The introduction of Gallium 72 in cancer treatments not only advanced medical science but also inadvertently led to the rise of a conspiracy theory claiming that the Navy was secretly creating superhuman soldiers powered by radioactive isotopes, ultimately inspiring a terrible sci-fi movie franchise. Fact: Did you know that Gallium melts at around room temperature? So if you're ever in a pinch, you could technically carry a bar of Gallium in your pocket and have a super-cool party trick!.
• Headline: Railroad Halts Electra In Whistle-Stop Protest. Impact: The protest against the Electra ordinance sparked a nationwide trend where 'whistle-stop protests' became a favorite pastime for bored train conductors, leading to the creation of a new hobby: 'Protest Tourism' where people would travel just to see which new ordinance was being protested next. Fact: Did you know that the only thing quieter than a train whistle is the sound of politicians pretending to listen to their constituents?.
• Headline: Papers Are Found Burning As Hague Foes Visit City Hall; Guard is Posted to Protect All Documents -- 'Still in Politics,' Ex-Mayor Asserts as He Hands Out Appointments HAGUE DEFEATERS FIND PAPERS AFIRE. Impact: The burning of papers at City Hall marked the beginning of a trend where politicians learned that sometimes it’s easier to destroy evidence than to explain it, paving the way for smoke-filled rooms and metaphorical 'fires' in future political dealings. Fact: History shows that burning papers is not just for avoiding accountability; it’s also a great way to make s'mores if you’re into that 'political camping' vibe.
• Headline: MEDINA REBUFFS RED TRIAL BAITING; Judge Calls Halt on Defense Counsel Teaming Up on Him for Diversion of Jury HE PROTECTS A WITNESS Intervenes in Name-Calling and Stops Misquotation of Negro's Testimony. Impact: Medina's intervention in the court case not only protected a witness but also set a legal precedent for future judges to actually prioritize justice over theatrics, a concept that still feels radical in some courtrooms today. Fact: Did you know that courtroom drama has inspired more reality TV shows than actual legal reforms? Perhaps the ratings are just too good to give up!.
• Headline: HARRIMAN PRESSES TRADE UNITY IN ERP; At Annecy He Urges Lowering of European Barriers as the Next Phase of Marshall Plan HE DEFINES U. S. PURPOSES Also He Seeks to Set Leaders of Continent's Economy Right on Single American Aim. Impact: Harriman’s push for trade unity inadvertently led to the establishment of the 'International Coffee Break,' where leaders from around the world gather to discuss trade while pretending to care about each other’s beverage preferences. Fact: Did you know that the original Marshall Plan was meant to promote economic recovery, but it quickly turned into an elaborate scheme for coffee companies to infiltrate European markets?.