APRIL 27, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Anti-Communist Firings at John Lewis. Impact: In a twist of fate, this mass dismissal led to a secret society of disgruntled ex-employees who turned into the world's most unassuming superhero team, dedicated to battling corporate injustice. Their first mission? Saving the office coffee machine from being replaced by decaf.. Fact: Ironically, the only thing more permanent than a bad workplace policy is the coffee stain on your favorite shirt..
• Headline: REMINGTON IN DATA POST; Reinstated U. S. Aide Assigned to Import Possibility Statistics. Impact: Remington's new role led to an unforeseen surge in statistical analysis, resulting in a bizarre competition among aides to find the most obscure data point, forever changing the way we look at pie charts.. Fact: Statistics are like bikinis: what they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital..
• Headline: UNESCO IS CALLED CHIEF PEACE HOPE; It Can Do More to Unify World Than Anything Yet Tried, Mrs. McCormick Tells Teachers. Impact: McCormick's optimistic proclamation led to an awkward increase in peace-themed school projects where students were forced to paint murals of doves, inadvertently starting a global trend of terrible wall art.. Fact: UNESCO's mission to promote peace is admirable, but they should probably start with getting everyone to agree on what 'peace' actually looks like..
• Headline: Official Takes Anti-Red Oath. Impact: This oath-taking ceremony became a bizarre national pastime, leading to an annual event where people solemnly pledge to not wear red socks, sparking a fashion revolution that still haunts closets today.. Fact: Taking an oath can be a serious business, but it’s much more entertaining when people accidentally mix it up with a wedding vow..
• Headline: 1 1/4 BILLIONS ASKED IN U. S. SCHOOL AID; Bricker and Brown of Ohio File Bill for Construction Grants to States Over Five Years. Impact: The push for school aid led to an unexpected boom in construction, resulting in a nationwide shortage of hard hats and a thriving underground market for 'slightly used' safety gear.. Fact: School construction bills often have more twists and turns than a roller coaster, and just as many screams involved..
• Headline: Germans Held for Taking Seventy Carloads of Coal. Impact: The arrest of those coal thieves inadvertently sparked a new trend in 'extreme stealing', inspiring future generations to steal just about anything from garden gnomes to Wi-Fi signals.. Fact: Coal theft is a crime that seems so old-fashioned, it makes you wonder if they were trying to create their own version of a 'coal-powered' social network..