APRIL 11, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Europe Seeks More U.S. Troops in 1949. Impact: If the U.S. hadn't sent more troops, Europe might have turned into a giant game of 'Who Can Invade Faster?'—a reality show that would have changed the face of international relations forever.. Fact: You know things are serious when Europe is begging for more American troops like they’re out of coffee at a café..
• Headline: Surge in Demand for Hitler Photos. Impact: The black market for Hitler photos could have led to a bizarre art trend where people decorate their homes with 'vintage' dictator memorabilia. Thank goodness that didn't catch on.. Fact: Turns out, the real collectibles are not stamps or coins, but photos of people who were definitely not winning any 'Best Human' awards..
• Headline: CIO WILL ORGANIZE NEW COUNCIL HERE; Meeting Set for April 25 With Right Wing in the Saddle -- Quill Set to Head It. Impact: The CIO’s attempts to organize could have led to the first-ever labor union for labor unions, a bureaucratic mess of epic proportions.. Fact: Because nothing screams 'let's get things done!' like a meeting set for a month later—procrastination is an art form, folks..
• Headline: PRESSMEN TO STRIKE IN WASHINGTON TODAY. Impact: If the press had successfully struck, we might have seen the rise of a new era where journalists only reported news via interpretive dance. Newsflash: it was not a hit.. Fact: They just needed a little more time to realize that striking doesn’t help if no one knows what’s happening because no one is reporting it..
• Headline: TOP NAZIS TO HEAR THEIR FATE TODAY; Reading of Judgment in Last of Nuremberg Trials Held by the U. S. Will Begin. Impact: The decisions made at the Nuremberg Trials changed the legal landscape forever, leading to the concept of international law—imagine if they had just decided to settle it with a game of chess.. Fact: Fun fact: history’s courtroom dramas are far more riveting than any soap opera, especially when the stakes involve the fate of nations..
• Headline: BOSS STEVEDORE SEIZED; Warrant Charges a Violation of Prison Term Parole. Impact: The arrest of the stevedore could have led to a new crime wave where everyone started committing petty crimes just to get a taste of the dramatic life behind bars.. Fact: Parole violations: the gift that keeps on giving for a good headline—because who doesn’t love a little criminal drama?.
• Headline: SEYMOUR TO RETIRE AS YALE HEAD IN '50; Aged 64, He Says Reshaping of University Nears End, 'Vigorous' Leader Is Needed TO LEAVE YALE SEYMOUR TO RETIRE AS YALE HEAD IN '50. Impact: Seymour’s retirement could have sparked a chain reaction of university heads retiring en masse, leading to the Great Academic Exodus of 1950.. Fact: Retiring at 64 sounds great until you realize you might just become a 'professional napper' with an existential crisis..
• Headline: UNREST IN MID-EAST DISRUPTS OIL FLOW; Expansion, Important to ERP and Arab Nations, Delayed Despite Palestine Peace. Impact: The unrest in the Middle East could have led to a wildly elaborate soap opera titled 'As the Oil Flows,' where plots thicken just like crude oil.. Fact: Oil disruptions: the only thing more complicated than a family reunion in a soap opera..