MARCH 24, 1949

Full News Archive

• Headline: Proposed Funding for National Guard Expansion. Impact: This funding proposal for armories led to a sudden increase in the number of military-themed birthday parties in the 50s. Little did they know, the cake would have to be camouflaged.. Fact: The National Guard's fondness for armories means that by now, there are more armories than Starbucks in some states. Who knew military strategy involved so much caffeine?.
• Headline: Historic Bridge Tournament Upsets. Impact: The introduction of diversity in sports led to a dramatic increase in team spirit and a subsequent rise in terrible motivational speeches in locker rooms across America.. Fact: At this point, it was still considered revolutionary for teams to have players who weren’t just white guys with mustaches. Progress, folks!.
• Headline: Air Force Awards $19 Million for Uniforms. Impact: The Air Force's woolen goods contracts inadvertently led to the world's largest collection of oddly textured fashion statements in military history. Sheep everywhere rejoiced.. Fact: Because nothing screams 'aerodynamic' like 5.7 million yards of wool. Someone must have confused the Air Force with a knitting club!.
• Headline: Appointed as Director Of the Palestine Appeal. Impact: The appointment of E Radinsky as Director of the Palestine Appeal somehow resulted in a series of delightful misunderstandings that made meetings feel like a sitcom.. Fact: Radinsky’s first meeting had so much bureaucratic confusion that they ended up appealing for pizza instead of funds. Who doesn't love a good slice during a crisis?.
• Headline: City Power to Impose Sales Tax, Other Levies Extended at Albany; CITY SALE TAX BILL IS VOTED AT ALBANY. Impact: The extension of city powers to impose sales tax led to the birth of the phrase 'taxation without representation,' rebranded as 'taxation with a side of eye-rolling'.. Fact: This bill was so convoluted that even politicians had to Google what 'self-liquidating' meant. Spoiler: It’s not a magic trick..
• Headline: Discrimination Ban Urged. Impact: The UN Trusteeship Council's push for a discrimination ban inadvertently made some politicians sweat bullets, leading to a surge in anti-antiperspirant sales.. Fact: Bias is like a bad smell; once it’s in the air, it’s hard to get rid of. Thanks for the reminder, UN!.
• Headline: Divorces Up in England, Wales. Impact: The dramatic increase in divorce rates in England and Wales sparked a revolution in dating apps decades later, proving that heartbreak is truly timeless.. Fact: Divorce rates nearly doubled, which means more people were getting out of relationships than into them. At least they had good taste in divorce lawyers!.
• Headline: U. S. NEWS SERVICE 'BRUTAL,' POLES SAY; Warsaw Explains Ouster of Information Aide -- Contends Bulletins Were Slanderous. Impact: The Polish government's explanation of their media censorship led to a rise in underground newsletters, which ironically became the hottest thing since sliced bread.. Fact: Poland's government thought they could silence criticism, but they just made people more creative. Welcome to the age of guerrilla journalism!.