DECEMBER 12, 1948

Full News Archive

• Headline: Seagram Sales Plans Remain on Course. Impact: If the Seagram sales plan had changed, the world might have seen a drastic reduction in cocktail culture, potentially leading to a dystopian future where dry martinis are just 'dry' and no one enjoys happy hour anymore.. Fact: Seagram was actually founded by a Canadian who was probably just trying to make sure the world never ran out of whiskey. A noble cause, really..
• Headline: Bastogne Remembers Its Defenders. Impact: Bastogne's remembrance likely sparked a worldwide trend in historical reenactments, triggering a chain reaction of confused tourists in period costumes trying to figure out how to get Wi-Fi in a foxhole.. Fact: Bastogne's defenders were so tenacious that they probably could have taught a masterclass on how to hold your ground during a Black Friday sale..
• Headline: Hiss Papers Unveiled in 1948 Scandal. Impact: This revelation likely caused a ripple effect in espionage, leading to a significant increase in the number of people suspiciously eyeing their own typewriters, fearing they might accidentally write a spy novel.. Fact: Alger Hiss was so infamous that he probably made 'being accused of being a spy' a trendy thing among the hipsters of his time..
• Headline: The Displaced Scholar; THE RESCUE OF SCIENCE AND LEARNING. By Stephen Duggan and Betty Drury. 214 pp. New York: The Macmillan Company. $3.. Impact: Had this book not been published, we might have been deprived of countless academic debates about whether or not learning could actually be rescued, possibly leading to a world where ignorance is bliss, but not in a good way.. Fact: This book was probably the academic equivalent of a superhero movie: 'Rescue of Science and Learning' sounds like it could have a dramatic soundtrack and a sequel..
• Headline: Russian Protests U.S. Action. Impact: This protest may have set off a chain of diplomatic misunderstandings that led to more cold coffee than cold wars, with both sides missing the point while arguing over who gets the last donut.. Fact: If only they had protested with a dance-off instead, maybe we could have saved decades of tension with just some good moves..
• Headline: ALUMINUM BUYING ABROAD PROTESTED; Producers Here Oppose Use of ECA Funds in Europe to Ship Metal to U.S.. Impact: Had the producers succeeded, we might have ended up in a world where soda cans were made of paper, and aluminum foil was a rare collector's item, making family barbecues far less interesting.. Fact: In the battle of aluminum vs. other metals, it's like watching a slow-motion race where everyone still loses because no one can open the can..
• Headline: THREE IN DIVERSITY; Oils and Water -- Colors by John Marin, William Zorach and Reginald Marsh. Impact: This exhibition likely sparked a movement of art enthusiasts who began to believe they could turn anything—like spilled coffee or cat hair—into a masterpiece, leading to a truly bizarre era of modern art.. Fact: If only these artists had known that future generations would be making 'art' out of everything from toast to toilet seats, they might have rethought their mediums..